My sitch is not quite as severe as yours sounds and I am sorry that you are experiencing such a painful thing. There are many people on these boards that have not touched each other in years, others just have differing drives. Either way the folks on these boards are committed to making their marriages work and to making them great.
Please don't compromise your own integrity by having an A. You would do damage that would be very difficult to repair. Please seek counseling for yourself. When you get settled about where you are in your own mind and heart share your pain with her. Let her know that you agreed to be monogamous but not celibate. Ask her what she is willing to do about that problem. Get more counseling....
