I have been lurking here for a while and this is actually my first post. My situation is that I haven't had sex with my W for 5 plus years. We haven't even slept in the same room except when we go on vacaction or to visit family. We have a S and that is probably the only reason I am still in this relationship. I don't even feel like we are married, more like room mates. We tried counseling about a year ago and that didn't work. I went first for a number of sessions because I was really worried that I was going to end up having an affair. Talking about my situation helped but nothing ever came of the counseling we didn't even get into a single joint session. W won't talk about anything and we have virtually no physical contact of any kind even kissing or hugging ect. About a year ago I just gave up trying to hug and kiss my wife because I never felt like there was any reciprocation. My situation has been even more complicated because 2 1/2 years ago we moved (to another state) because my wife got a promotion and I quit my career to keep the family together. My wife told me that moving would really be good for putting our relationship back together. Shortly after we got here I thought things where coming together and made a pass at her and she made it pretty darn clear that we wouldn't be having sex. So after wrecking my career I had to return to grad school to get retrained to start another one. Thats almost done and I am hoping to try counseling again come next year when I get my financial aid check.
Anyway I find myself becoming more and more desperate to connect someone. I never thought this would happen to me and now that it is I find myself growing more and more detached and thinking more and more about having an affair. I keep telling myself all the time that having an affair will destroy everything but the more I look at myself it seems like I am allready being destroyed. Before I got married I thought I would never have an affair but now I don't even feel like I had a chance to expirence a marriage.
I was wondering if anyone on this board has tried to find someway to make their marriage work when it really wasn't a marriage (roomates I guess is how I feel right now). Has anyone had an affair and what did that do? Has anyone worked out some kinda arrangement like an open marriage and how did that work out (or not work out)? Is anyone here just keeping their marriage together for the kids and marking the days on the calender until they move out of the house? The counselor the last time thought I should get a divorce but I worry so much about how that would affect my S. I also worry about how my S would be affected if I had an affair. At the same time I am also worrying about how much darker it can get for me if I stay in this relationship and will it eventually destory me.
Anything anyone has to say would be greatly appreciated. I just wish I had found this site years ago. I don't feel so alone anymore.
