well, guys, I’m sitting up, if not totally ambulatory. I was flat on my back for four days, and for the last two I’ve been up enough to cause irreparable damage to my R. Thanks for your concern while I was “out flat.” Thanks also to GBO for posting about my sorry state.
I’m not really supposed to be at the computer, but this is just too good a story to let sit. Get out the popcorn, folks. This is what’s known as a “horror comedy” in the biz.
S. and I had a huge fight this afternoon that culminated in his yelling, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore because I don’t want to see you anymore, and I don’t want to go to f*ing Chile with you!” Whereupon I picked up a stack of papers (killer papers, mind you, really dangerous papers), and hurled them at him, and through gritted teeth spat, “GET OUT.” I then hurled his coat and scarf down the stairs. Whoo! Are we having fun yet, folks?
There was some posturing, because I think neither of us really meant it, and he dawdled around, taking an inordinate amount of time getting his coat on, all the while yelling why he was in the right (I mean, if he really meant he wanted to break up, would he care to stay on after and explain why?), and I, in true GET OUT, I REALLY MEAN IT fashion, started to make a pot of coffee. Of course, I was making that pot of coffee with the utmost conviction. Oh, boy, did I mean it. The kitty was so confused he puffed up his tail and ran under the table.
After a bout of posturing and yelling back and forth, him taking long minutes to zip his zipper and me holding the coffeepot, it escalated again and he stormed out.
What caused such a row? Well. Let me see. Miss Switzerland 2003-2004, it seems, sent S. a postcard while we were away, saying happy new year. Since we had such a tumultuous new year, S. thought it best to hide the postcard and not tell me about it right away, violating our agreement that he would tell me about any correspondence when it happened (and NOT when HE thought it best to tell me).
Through the holidays, I had expressed my anxiety that she would try to contact him (after all, the last time they talked he neither told her we were back together nor ended their “friendship,” leaving it just hanging there). He never said anything. Granted, there has been no contact since September, but it wasn’t because they’d agreed not to speak.
So, he told me today (because I broke down and asked him) that when we arrived from Ga. there was the postcard, and that he felt he needed to write her a letter, and he wanted to do it before we left (a week from tomorrow), and he felt a tremendous amount of guilt at having “just stopped talked to her, and it was no way to treat a friend,” and he felt he needed to write at least a short note or postcard before we left.
I asked if he’d planned to discuss any of this with me, and he started to get really angry and that’s when the escalation started, about how he “was trying to focus on OUR relationship,” and how he had spent an “enormous amount of time trying to work out OUR issues,” and how he didn’t see when he could have brought it up. On and on, back and forth, “We had an agreement,” “It was a one-sided agreement,” “This is what makes me not trust you,” “Everything I do is wrong,” etc etc etc…
Now I haven’t even told you about the crap that’s gone on during my out-flattedness. It’s been a real trial, with him nurturing me on his terms and at his convenience, and hardly even then. But that’s just a side story, secondary characters in this drama. And to think, this morning we’d actually agreed to go to therapy! Now I’m wondering if I’m going to Chile alone.
Th-th-th-that’s all, folks!
Of course, I’m being flippant because my heart is still pounding from the fight and I haven’t had a chance to let it sink in. Later, I’m sure I’ll be back on the boards, lamenting, tearing hair, and crying my eyes out. What’s so weird is, he said it, but I don’t believe it. Why? He may very well believe it. He may very well be packing my things into a bag and setting it beside the door. He may be calling Swiss Miss right now, saying how sorry he is and that can they give it another go.
All I can say is, at least for now, I have to laugh. Are you with me, SD?
I'm going to attempt to start a new thread, since this one is getting laden. Please join me at my new thread in a few,
