It's great to be hearing about your sitch again. I still love the way you write too.
Like Ellie, I understand your SO better than I understand you. If I'd been away for a week, the last thing I'd want to do would be to go out. I would also feel that I'd done LOADS with you if I were him.
As for NYE, I wouldn't have known that turning on the TV was a great faux-pas if I'd been your SO. Having said that, I know that I'm sometimes guilty of having my own expectations. I once ruined a NYE with H (we weren't married then) because I assumed that our bedroom should be tidied up before midnight and SO didn't. I felt he'd sabotaged our NYE moment and hadn't got into the right spirit.
I've often got really pissed off with H in the past because he's expected me to know what he was thinking and has not made it clear that he was getting upset until it was too late. For example, there have been times that he's been upset that I've been on the phone for a while, but hasn't told me until after I've got off the phone! Or he's been upset because he didn't want to do something or go somewhere but he's gone along with the plans until, wham, he's really pissed off. To me it always seems like such a set-up. He gives me no warning, no time to reconsider what I'm doing in light of his preferences, and then it's too late and he's in a state. In fact, his whole A reminds me of this. I don't feel I was given any warning of his unhappiness.
It's actually very interesting for me to hear this sort of thing from your perspective. I trust that you are rational and I know that you are great at expressing yourself. It's easier for me to be compassionate with you than I am with H. It helps that you're not upset with me! When H and I get into a similar sitch, I go off into accusing him of being irrational and not knowing how to communicate. I'm starting to realize that that is not the crux of the problem.
I've accused my H of being really high-maintenance emotionally, and have told him that I'd much rather he simply tell me that he'd like me to do something differently as it arises instead of making sure I get it really wrong before getting upset. I've said that I don't want to spend my time trying to figure out whether or not he's REALLY happy with things. He needs to communicate with me and not rely on me to put loads of effort into second guessing him.
Does this make sense? I'm curious about your reaction to what I've written because I'm interested in you, but also because you remind me of H (in this instance, not all!) I wonder whether the fact that you and my H share some emotional patterns partly accounts for how helpful your suggestions are for my sitch. I think you are really good at putting yourself in my H's shoes. I'd like to get better at it myself. When you write about your R, I often identify more with your SO's reactions. I hope that doesn't come across as my being critical of you, because I think you are great!
Wendy
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
I wonder whether the fact that you and my H share some emotional patterns partly accounts for how helpful your suggestions are for my sitch. I think you are really good at putting yourself in my H's shoes. I'd like to get better at it myself. When you write about your R, I often identify more with your SO's reactions. I hope that doesn't come across as my being critical of you, because I think you are great! 
