Great post. You are sorting through so much! It was touching to see your SO's vulnerability...emotionally and physically and to know how important your reassurances and care are to him. Of course, you see that, right?
I have to admit that I was astounded that you "forgot' to mention or think it was at all important that he got shot down once before in his former R. Is it easier assuming that his resistance is 100% about you?
You are a tough cookie and I am beginning to think you are VERY tough on yourself, as well.
BIG CONGRATS on putting yourself out to a new client. Even if you had not gotten such a great response it was wonderful that you took such a bold step. All the sweeter to have it met with such enthusiasm.
So. Onward, Girl. You have been VERY helpful to me on my thread...thank you. I want to mirror back to you. Acting as if....acting as if...
Jen, I just wanted to pop in and say, "hi." Been off the boards for a while due to excessive work, planning for my upcoming move to my own apartment, and other stuff -- but I just posted again on the Surviving the Big D board. Looks like you're still fighting the good fight, and I only wish you success and happiness. You deserve it!!!
BELMONT!! So nice to hear from you, old friend. It's like college - you always have such warm feelings for the freshmen you started out with, wide-eyed and naive... We've come a long way, baby. So sorry to hear about your recent troubles.
Maya, thanks for your post. I have no idea why I didn't think it was relevant. It's not like I even thought about it in the context of our R, and therefore it never crossed my mind to post it here. Strange, isn't it, what we think is important vs. not? Thanks, too, for the nudge to see S's vulnerabilities. You're absolutely right, and I haven't noticed it in a long while. I'm so used to being the pursuer that it doesn't occur to me that he might need my assurances, too.
Betsey, I was picturing your face as I was nailing my fee negotiation. I could see your particular typing style as I saw the words "He who speaks first, buys" float across the screen of my brain.
Sage, you continue to be an inspiration to us as we struggle through the realization that DBing will NEVER END!! As fabulous as your R can ever be, it STILL can use more DBing! Thanks for all the reminders, and the energy it takes you to type all those notes about books, etc. Half the time we don't even need to read them, for all the info you give on your thread! So Wendy, get busy. You've got 957 reading hours ahead of you.
*** Tonight S. has plans with a MF, and I am going back to the movies with my MF. We'll see if S. has another mini-meltdown over it. We didn't see each other last night, and we won't see each other tonight, which is the longest we've gone in months. Last night, as we got off the phone, and after S. told me he had plans with MF, he said "Maybe I'll talk to you tomorrow." The ire level shot to "TILT." Instead of jumping down his throat and spitting "MAYBE?!?!" I said cheerfully, "I certainly hope so," and then "Good-night."
I'm a little nervous about his reaction to my going to the movies with MF again, but what can I do? He has plans, and Maltese Falcon plays tonight only. Can't miss that.
Maltese Falcon! Enjoy San Francisco and Dashiell, Jen!
Is there any way to defuse the MF issue? Or better yet, to make sure that the next night is a cozy, in-home, all-hands-on-deck cooking and Scrabble fest?
I just got back from movies, drinks, and late-night falafel with my MF. It was fun, Maltese was fantastic (as was This Gun for Hire), and I got a check-up message from S. Before I left, I sent him an e-mail at work saying I was going with MF, and to join us if he could. So at 11:15 I got a message saying "Hey, I'm home, I guess you aren't back from the movies yet, maybe I'll see you when you get home. ... I'm hoping."
So it was 1:45 when I got home, and I just came to my house (for newbies to my thread, S. lives three townhouses down). S. hasn't had the key to my place these last 3 days, because we had houseguests who needed an extra set of keys. So I am home, and haven't called S., which I imagine will be a source of consternation tomorrow. It's just so late, and I could go there, but I didn't, and now I'm home, etc etc.
Anyway... still struggling with the less than stable R, but things are OK. No final thoughts on Christmas yet, though S. assumes we are going together. I'm still not so sure what to do. If he can cite friends picking up on our tension as a reason not to introduce me to them, why the hell would I invite him to spend a second Christmas with my very special, loving, and wonderful family, whom I cherish, admire, and adore?
Does anyone have some thoughts on this? I'm just too close to it.
Quote: If he can cite friends picking up on our tension as a reason not to introduce me to them, why the hell would I invite him to spend a second Christmas with my very special, loving, and wonderful family, whom I cherish, admire, and adore?
Well, is there a way you can express this idea to S? As you state it there, it seems only fair that you should "protect your family from the stress" as he does his friends. How can you word that to get it through to him in a non-threatening way?
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
But the difference is, I WANT him to be a part of my friendships and family. I include him whenever he'll come. I don't have this hang-up he does about protecting everybody from me but not protecting me from anybody. I realize with half my brain (the DB side) that my question above is faulty logic... in relationships one can't hold up tit for tat as a reason for anything. But the other half of my brain (the going-off-half-cocked one) looks for these inconsistencies and jumps on them (as ways of protecting myself? I'm not sure).
