I don’t know why I failed to mention it before – I guess I never thought of it. As much as S. was the pursuer when we first met, he was still getting over her rejection. It took him nearly two years from the breakup to when I felt he had really let her go. She is a lovely woman (they are just starting to be friends again, and she’s invited us to a few parties – I like her very much), drop-dead gorgeous, smart, and a professional dancer (so, perfect body, too). I can see why it took so long to get over her, and I think theirs was a good R with little of the crisis and struggling over communication that we’ve had.

S. says that he got very needy, and fell all over himself to make her happy, and lost himself in the process. She asked for space, and he clung faster. We BB smarties all know where that led. So now, he is at the other end of the spectrum, making sure that nothing, but nothing, gets in the way of what he wants and who he is, taking it to the extreme, and is struggling with the obvious fallacy of that tack (because he realizes it’s just as bad as losing oneself). It has made him VERY sensitive to anything that resembles behavior modification, and consequently I’ve really struggled with him on this.

Merrick, I know you’re struggling, and I’m sorry. You deserve better.

Jennifer

P.S. Re: Dairy farming: Whatever happened to the M/V theory that men express their love through ML? S. is actually a very sensitive guy. I feel he really does come closer to me after we ML, and it makes him more tender toward me, as well. I also notice that he wants to ML after we’ve had difficult convs., thus in a way reassuring himself and me that things are OK again. I wouldn’t dream of withholding because I thought it would get me a bigger commitment. Besides, why would I give up such a great sex life?

shameless plug for my NEWEST thread