Thanks Merrick - I really don't want to go on in Jennifer's thread about our differences. So, I'll be as quick as I can hear and then prefer to drop it because I don't find this discussion getting me any closer to any of my personal or relationship goals.
Quote: And I'm sorry if many people feel differently, but in the view of many people here, the difference between a marital relationship and an exclusive non-marital one is the difference between the Catskills and Everest.
This is where I propose to agree to disagree. For me (and I speak for myself only) an exclusive non-marital relationship is my Everest. So the constant pointing out that it isn't a Marriage becomes tiresome and really a non-issue, again for ME. I can fully understand how you see a difference and respect that difference for YOU entirely. What I have issue with is your disregard for my perspective that it IS the same thing for me. You often make a point of saying it's "less than" ... and I finally just got tired of hearing it. I am NOT at all against marriage for me or anyone else. It is just that it is not the 'end goal' for me. It is not something bigger & better and thus more valuable in my eyes.
Quote: He is just not ready and the potential for a real tragedy is in the making if they force themselves ahead without the absolute commitment to do whatever it takes to get there.
This is truly for them to decide. If I were to express my humble opinion, I'd say that neither Jennifer or S. seems quite ready yet. Which leads me to ask: So what? Why must they need to know that with the absolute certainty you imply JUST RIGHT NOW? Is it not simply okay to live today, navigating these difficult issues together on the path towards some sort of decision? Why all the current pressure on S. to be the perfect poet, the man with all the answers, the one with absolutely no doubt? Do you think he is to currently express this level of commitment when he in all honesty senses the many doubts that Jennifer expresses? Could he not question whether he thinks he can in the end really please her? And hell, all the 'commitment' in the world does not guarantee a very happy & successful marriage.
I wholeheartedly agree that jumping into a marriage without the certainty you talk about seems foolish. I wouldn't recommend it. But RIGHT NOW, I don't see anyone running to the altar. I think it's been pretty amazing that they do work at the hard stuff together, sure with some glitches, but together. I think the pressure of expecting your partner to have all the commitment when you yourself have doubts is pointless. It's a process, a journey, and they seem to be pretty good at connecting and reconnecting in their happy dairy farm.
'Nuff said. For the record, I am neither offended nor angry, nor thought I was being tough on you as Ellie suggested. Only trying to express that the path to happiness can take as many forms as there are people here on the BB. And that no one end goal is better or harder or "right" for all. Jennifer has said she wants marriage, and so there are indeed many things for her to consider. IMHO, let's not put the cart before the ox, and just take one day at a time, working on those inner questions, until a clear and committed answer will appear.
