Please don't hate me by the end of this post. And for the record for skeptics out there, I have no nefarious designs on the fair Jennifer--I have enough fangs to deal with already!
Quote: S.: [BIG LONG pause] Well, I do love you, like when I feel close, like I do right now. JinB: Are you saying that sometimes you’re not sure? S.: [BIG LONG pause] Sometimes, like when we’re fighting, I don’t know. But when we’re close, like after we have fun together, or like now when we talked about the movies, and I’m feeling really close to you, I do love you.
That's a real doozy! I could not have dreamed up a better quote to distinguish between love in feel good modern world and marital love--I love you so long as it works for me. He may get there, but a it sounds like a tad more soul searching is in order.
Now Jennifer, I will not begrudge your happiness and oyur own desires, but there is an old saying about the necessity of procuring a bovine creature while dairy products are in abundant and no-cost supply.
Quote: So, we spent the next 12 hours ML.
Talk about a dairy farm!!!!!! It seems like I can't remember a total of twelve hours total these last twelve years combined!
Sadly, I guess this is another dilemma the modern women must face if she wants to take the R to the next stage. I really don't have any advice, other than to say I think your reply that you can't fight for maybe was the probably the best answer you could give. In many respects, I think you're in H2H land, just going with the flow one day at a time. But if you want more, I feel that your sitch is tough. Once again I ask, "What does S want?" Where does he want to be one year from now? Five? Ten? And was he sane enough to recognize that his inability to love you when things are not right is the death knell of any marriage? (H2H, is that better than ash heap?)
Jennifer, you also have to make decisions. The board can offer great advice on how to bring a person closer to you and how to work on your own issues, but it can't make the SO, H, or W, commit. Commitment is the real C word and given human nature, that takes hard work, for better or worse. Only you can decide what is the next step, what S is and is not capable of achieving, and what is right for you.
