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I do know, however, that he seems to be sticking in there for the tough stuff, and though I feel him pulling away at times, it's usually temporary cave time. I've had a hard time giving it to him, but have managed without too much controlling behavior.



IMO, these are two important 'facts': (1) S. needs cave time regularly (intimate separateness, right? back at ya!) and (2) you know this, but have some work to do to um, i hate to use this word, 'embrace' it.

Can you identify the cycle? His triggers for needing cave time? Maybe what YOU do that triggers that need?
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So he came over to finish the talk, and went into a mini-tirade about how HE was the one with the membership, and HE'S the one who loves old movies, and WHY am I "suddenly" so interested, and going with MF, and... boy, he was pretty worked up. Part of me is glad he was jealous (?), because it shows he has a pulse, and part of me knows it only causes him to withdraw. Jealousy does NOT become him.


Hmmm, do you think jealousy becomes you or any of us? Remember this next time you start worrying about those 20-something female friends of his... But more importantly, he may not have done a good job of expressing his 'frustration' at having to work rather than going to the movies with you. And perhaps, there is a bit of feeling he's easily replaced with your MF. Could he be feeling he's not getting the attention he needs?

Or can this be about his" feeling "pressure to go out and do things all the time" - that if he doesn't conform to your level of going out, that you'll just replace him with the next convenient MF. Do you think he'd have the same reaction if you told him you were going with me or another GF?

It seems there are patterns of 'miscommunication' that surface around particular issues - going out, money, attention - a couple of weeks ago you listed "myths or truths" of S's perceptions about you. Might be a good idea to revisit those, particularly the actions associated with busting those myths . . .

I'll be home Sat. night - I am SO looking forward to a girlie night to catch up on things. And I will need your stern dose of becoming less available.

From across the pond, it sounds like you're doing okay - don't let the little dips sink you down. Rather than trying to filter every little 'thing', how about looking at the balance of the day, or the week and measuring results on a bigger scale?

See ya soon! Hugs,
-H2H