Hi guys. I've not had the heart to pos lately - mainly because things are happening, up and down, so quickly I don't even know how to filter any of it out. So I decided to lay low and see what filtered its own self out. Unfortunately, not much.
Thanks, Anne, for the encouragement. And GBO, we haven't talked specifically about his fears, just an undercurrent of it as we figure out other stuff. Who knows what's under the thick skull? Could be mashed potatoes, for all I know.
I do know, however, that he seems to be sticking in there for the tough stuff, and though I feel him pulling away at times, it's usually temporary cave time. I've had a hard time giving it to him, but have managed without too much controlling behavior.
The last few days have been tense. I have been going to our local art-film house for an "Essential Noir" series, and S. has been beside himself. He's a member of the theater, and loves classic movies, and I've been going with my MF (straight, the one I've known for 14 years and who is living in NYC temporarily until December) because S. has been working (he works late as a journalist).
So this morning as he was leaving, S. asked me if we had any plans tonight, I said no, and he said OK, see you later! I said wait, do you want to make plans? No, I don't have time - I have to move the car. Then no follow-up call.
So I called to ask about the w-e, because I wanted to make plans (with him and others). I mentioned the movies and said I wanted to see several more films (they only play them for a day, at the most two days, each). So he came over to finish the talk, and went into a mini-tirade about how HE was the one with the membership, and HE'S the one who loves old movies, and WHY am I "suddenly" so interested, and going with MF, and... boy, he was pretty worked up. Part of me is glad he was jealous (?), because it shows he has a pulse, and part of me knows it only causes him to withdraw. Jealousy does NOT become him.
So, after I diffused the situation by talking about how MF is only going to be around for a few more weeks, and how he is a movie buff (he MAKES films, for Pete's sake), and how I couldn't go with S. anyway because he's been working late, and how at any opportunity I asked if he was interested, includng this a.m. about going tonight... anyway, the rest of the conv was about how difficult it is to make plans and it's because we don't know each other's rhythms, and so tonight we are going to get together to talk about our time boundaries and schedules.
The point is to figure out when each of us is available and when not, so we can make plans more easily. Another thing that came up was feeling "pressure to go out and do things all the time," which I quickly said that making plans to me was about home time as well as going out, not just about making reservations and buying tickets. In FACT, in light of the discussion I decided to blow a surprise I had for him this w-e and tell him I bought all the fixins to make pizza at home, and I thought it would be a fun thing to do together on Saturday night. He looked a little dazed.
So we'll see how it goes.
Many other thigns were said, but I'll have to post later.
