Quote: Am I really doing this? This can't be the Jennifer I used to know and struggle with.
You ARE doing this and this shows how much room each of us can grow if we're willing to look within and commence the journey.
My only advice right now is to continue going slowly and not to push too hard. Betsey and I once described Mr. Wonderful like the rabbit who is willing to pop out of his hole, come over to you, and sniff a bit, but at the first sudden move--scampers back into the hole with even more coaxing needed to get him out.
The trick now is to see if you can get S to reach an intellectaul point where he does not scamper at the first hint of danger and accepts some turbulence of as a normal condition of living outside the hole. Basically, a male version of your ongoing effort to listen without hearing abandonment.
I still hear a man who is afraid to commit, but in some respects I also hear a man who fears commitment not just for commitment in itself in terms of being tied down (for lack of better words), but because he has enough integrity to recognize that this is not a light decision and he fears his own ability to stick with it. In other words, what underlies commitment is what he actually wants for himself--and while he has a general idea, he simply does not know or does not want to confront the issue. In effect, I think he fears himself more than he fears you!
S sounds like the type who can stick with a decision once he truly makes it--and by that I mean more than just giving something a chance. So, just keep on plugging the way you are and be patient.
The last bit of advice I have is to keep your mind open on Christmas and think of a safe way to make it his choice. While I understand your reluctance to bring home just a "boyfriend," your family is an important part of you and bringing him closer into this orbit at a more advanced statge of your R may add more clarity to his mind. In any event, he needs to know that the decision is his, and you genuinely will accept whatver it is. Obviously, you're in a better position to understand whether this suggestion has any merit.
As an aside for my sitch (I'll post one day), I snooped and saw the D complaint W and her lawyer have drafted to be filed when W gives the go ahead. It's actually weaker than the one I might have drafted and seems easily defensible to me--which may be why she had been so ornery in November (I really think her L is just running the meter). I just have to keep remembering that God is love.
That's my last post of the afternoon. I've Got work to do.
