GBO, you described so many Rs right there, including mine: man stonewalls and runs, woman feels abandoned and pursues. Yuck. H2H, when do you get back, anyway?
So wow, lots and lots of great convs with S. going on! Last night after I posted and went back to bed, he was awake and asked where I’d been. I said I’d been getting a snack, and we proceeded to have another good, productive conv. His sister got engaged on TG day (she lives in SoCal and did not come back east for TG), and called TG night in Vt. to tell us. He has had reservations about her fiancé, and so was thinking about her. When I came back to bed, we had a long talk about their R, which included some insights into ours. We talked about marriage, controlling behaviors, and his R with his sister, which has deteriorated somewhat since she has been with her fiancé (whom we met and went camping with when we were in SoCal last March).
On the car ride home from Vt., we’d talked about his R with his immediate and extended family (he had an emotionally abusive father who died 6 years ago) and then about mine. It was great sharing time, and segued beautifully into the R talk we’d been trying to have for days. Another reason it went well – we were on goodwill terms after the “nonthreatening” sharing of our Rs with other people.
He was very affectionate in bed last night, and again this morning when we got up. It seems we are feeling closer and safer together, which is key for him to be able to feel like the R is progressing. He has said many times that he has to feel safe in order to share doubts, and in sharing doubts and talking about them, he feels safer and more able to dispel them or have them dispelled by me. So I am learning (slowly and with a lot of lip-biting) to listen to his doubts and not hear “THIS ISN’T WORKING FOR ME AND I WANT TO END THIS R.”
After the serious talk about sister’s controlling fiancé and her tendency to become involved with broken men (his words), we had a nice segue into a lighter conv, and laughed some before drifting off to sleep again. It was really nice, and comfortable.
Am I really doing this? This can't be the Jennifer I used to know and struggle with.
and we proceeded to have another good, productive conv. His sister got engaged on TG day (she lives in SoCal and did not come back east for TG), and called TG night in Vt. to tell us. He has had reservations about her fiancé, and so was thinking about her. When I came back to bed, we had a long talk about their R, which included some insights into ours. We talked about marriage, controlling behaviors, and his R with his sister, which has deteriorated somewhat since she has been with her fiancé (whom we met and went camping with when we were in SoCal last March).
