Well week #6 has now come and gone...we've held to the schedule again...but this week was different.
My H had told me earlier in the evening (he'd been working outside all day again in the cold) that he had come inside early so he wouldn't be too tired later for us. Well naturally, that got my hopes up for an enjoyable evening...wouldn't it you?
As the evening progressed I began to get the feeling that he was going to try to use the "tired card" on me...he sort of kept pushing me away when I'd try to get close. When the time finally came that we went to bed and he kind of cuddled, but barely. I could tell he was waiting for me to do everything again and it really rubbed me the wrong way. Well this time his lying there just really hurt my feelings. He also kept mentioning that he was tired...now, he was tired!? Well guess what? I was tired too! Sick and tired of always having to get things going! He had made many, many, improvements...but now it was time for him to take responsibility for our sex-life too!
I kept fondling him to try to get a response, but he'd just lay there...letting me do everything. I must have given a deep sigh...cuz he said "what?" So I told him..."I'm really tired of feeling like I have to kick start you everytime so we can ML." I felt the tears welling up...tried to hold them back..and told him "How am I supposed to feel wanted if you lay back and wait for me to get you going? I appreciate the fact that you've kept to our schedule, and I see the improvements and changes you've made and I really appreciate them. But I just get frustrated and my feelings get hurt that I'm always the one who has to get things going. Do you remember last week when you asked me what my fantasy was?" To that he said he said "yes"..."well it's really simple...it's not complicated at all." So he asked me what it was...."it's you, coming to me to ML without me having to get things going or drag it out of you. I don't always want to have to take charge in the bedroom...it's that simple. If you never come to me to ML I don't feel wanted...I feel like you are just trying to please me. It's simply not the same. I sit here trying to get things going and I'm having to hold back tears. You know...I've been on both sides of this situation and I really do understand where you are coming from and why it's hard for you...but the other side of me wonders why when you take care of other problems in your life so efficiently you won't just step up and really help me with this. It's selfish of me I know, but it's how I feel...and I'm so tired of having my feelings hurt."
By then I had tears running down my face...I wasn't bawling or anything...I was just talking calmly and the tears were falling. He just looked me in the eyes and kept wiping away the tears while I talked. I guess you could say it was time to really bare my soul and tell him very honestly how this makes me really feel at times, no beating around the bush. I have almost never-ending patience becaues I know both sides and have experienced it, but that doesn't keep my feelings from being hurt.
He seemed like he was really opening to hear me...not just listen. When we were finished...off came his underwear and he started fondling me. I told him that I didn't want pity sex...and that if he was too tired it was ok. He said "that's not what this is" it actually ended up being much more than that. This time it felt like more than scheduled sex, this time I FELT HE WANTED TO ML TO ME! I could really feel an emotional difference, it didn't feel like we were having sex...but more like that he finally had an EC to want to ML to ME. He even took charge on the position for once...my favorite position...and he didn't ask...just flipped me over. It lasted longer than usual too...it was very nice. It reinforced to me that yes, he has been listening to what I want...but for some reason this time he did it.
Hopefully we're on the road to him actually being able to do things without me getting them going. Granted, I had to bare my soul, which was painful for me...but this to me was a big leap for us. Not just a tiny step forward.
Yet another installment on the "Road to Regular Sex" GEL
