So I'm in a bad mood today. I don't like this. I'm grumpy, irritable, and I just plain feel antisocial. I don't want to talk to anyone. Not even at work. I just...want to be left alone, maybe do some drawing.
There's no one specific reason. Although I can come up with plenty... It's not even that time of the month.
I'm sure it's these stupid mood swings related to our sitch. At least I'm not feeling miserable and hopeless.
Weekend was okay. We didn't get to go out Saturday, after all. I was irritated at the time...H had been helping BIL2 with his truck, and it took them too long. I did go over there for a bit--offered to bring them food. We had pizza and watched T3. (Which, unlike everyone else I've heard, H and I loved the ending.)
I left BIL2's before H. Was pretty mad when I got home...spent some time crying...didn't call H. I had calmed down by the time he got home, which wasn't too much later. I didn't let on that I had been upset.
H, however, needed to talk. Yuck. Although we haven't had one of these kinds of talks in awhile, so this is an improvement... I do seem to handle them better over the phone.
We curled up in bed together. I was trying pretty hard not to fall asleep. Got a lot of the same stuff. We moved back in too soon...he wants to live alone...etc. It's starting to wear off, honestly. I don't know whether that's good or bad. Although he did tell me that the only thing that makes him want to leave me is his own guilt. That he sometimes thinks that's the only way to relieve the guilt--to just cut ties, and start over. I haven't told him how much this pi$$es me off...I just try to validate...but I think that's just plain stupid.
Sunday morning he was asking me to spend more time with him. He's been talking more about how he misses me. He's still not spending a ton of time with me, but that's a step past the grumpy "I want to be alone" stage. I've even seen some moments where my affectionate H comes back out.
We did talk some about what to do for our anniversary. (I brought it up.) I mentioned it would be nice to go out to dinner that night. H said, again, how he hates V-Day and anniversaries. I said I understand that, but I would just like to do a little something, especially since we've never been able to celebrate it. (1st year no money, 2nd year H kicked me out of the apartment.) And I thought, just dinner out sounded nice. He suggested a place, even said he would dress nice. ( ) I said he didn't have to, I just wanted to eat out, but that sounded fun. He said he didn't want any present, and I said that was fine. I'm perfectly happy with this arrangement.
We spent some of Sunday together. He went back to BIL2's to work on the truck and feed his snakes. Called me a little later, and asked me about getting food. He asked if I wanted to come get him; I offered to just pick up the food. I think he liked that. (He doesn't like to leave the snakes while they're eating.)
The V-Day subject came up again--BIL2 wanted to know what we had done. I found out that H had wanted to do some other stuff, it just wasn't feasible since I was out of town...and he thought it was pointless to do it some other day.
We went and got some groceries together. He went to the gym for a bit while I put them away. Then we went back to BIL2's house for some pizza. We stopped to get a movie and some some stuff at Meijer... I didn't even realize I had reverted to my normal affectionate, touchy self until H commented that I was "crowding" him. I apologized (I really hadn't noticed...). H said it was okay, there was no reason for him to be upset with me. Although I tried to stay back more.
H and BIL2 watched a movie, while I hung out in the garage painting the pieces to my new dresser. My parents bought it around Christmas, but I've just not been motivated to work on it with the cold weather.
We headed home a bit late. On the drive home, H admitted that he is actually a bit nervous about going on his road trip by himself. I told him I'm always just a phone call away. (I am so sick of hearing about this trip!)
I went to bed right when I got home. H took a shower, and got ready to go visit some MF's. I barely remember him leaving...just that he came in to hug on me a couple of times, tell me he loved me, and that he's afraid we'll split up in the future. It's been a recurring theme for him, and I just try to be as reassuring as I can.
H was still up when I woke up this morning. He was pretty cheerful--came into the bathroom to give me a hug once he heard me messing with my contacts. He's been asking for kisses or attention lately...
I was feeling pretty grumpy. I don't wake up well. And I'm just mad...although venting has calmed me down some... I know being angry with him isn't going to help. And, honestly, when I let the anger run away with me and I take it out on him, I just wind up more angry. I'm trying to not let myself take things out on him. I know, for now, I just need to maintain the friendliness and easy-going attitude. That's what gets H back to being nice and affectionate, which is what will really make me feel better.
I don't like this. I'm grumpy, irritable, and I just plain feel antisocial. I don't want to talk to anyone. Not even at work. I just...want to be left alone, maybe do some drawing.
We had pizza and watched T3. (Which, unlike everyone else I've heard, H and I loved the ending.)
I don't know whether that's good or bad. Although he did tell me that the only thing that makes him want to leave me is his own guilt. That he sometimes thinks that's the only way to relieve the guilt--to just cut ties, and start over. 
) I said he didn't have to, I just wanted to eat out, but that sounded fun. He said he didn't want any present, and I said that was fine. I'm perfectly happy with this arrangement.
(He doesn't like to leave the snakes while they're eating.)
