Martha, Jen, thanks for stopping by! I love WOA--they always make me feel warm and happy. Probably my biggest LL after PT.

Well, I did tons of thinking...decided to try not to be so hard on H. I was observing my friends and their relationships...trying to get some perspective. Observing other people seems to really help me.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when other women hit on H. I realized I was getting mad at him because these women were approaching him. I just ASSumed it meant he was doing something, even if indavertantly. And, of course, my solution was therefore for H to not put himself any position where his might be a problem--ie, not going out.

Well, while I was in Chicago, I went to the lounge in the hotel (for some free food ) and got to chatting with the concierge. Mostly because I was lonely... Turns out he went to my college's arch rival. It took me a bit to wonder if the guy might have been flirting with him. I'm not sure. He wasn't forward or anything (unlike when H goes out dancing or whatever), but it got me to thinking...

Why in the world am I mad at H for what people around him that he can't control are doing?

I mean, I can let it bother me...just no reason to take it out on H.

So, anyway, H wasn't home when I got home from work last night. I had expected it, since he had called me and said he was headed to BIL1's. I didn't call him. He got home a little after me...wanted to hug and cuddle and take a nap together.

It's been a couple of months since he's been so affectionate. I really missed it. We're actually fairly touchy when at home (PT is a primary LL for both of us)...and the little things just felt so good. Like when we sat on the couch, he would just lean over and put his head on my shoulder.

I did notice he ignored a couple of phone calls while we were on the couch together. Instead of just jumping to go answer the phone immediately. The last time he did this, he was starting to come back out of his "shell" again.

When we curled up for a nap, then I started to get weird. I wanted to get up, get away...wanted "space." Sheesh. I knew it was just a reaction to his suddenly showing interest again...really, just my self-defense kicking in. And I've been through all of these before. I just told myself to calm down, and that I wasn't going to let myself build that barrier again. It was pretty hard to get past it back in the fall.

I've been mad a lot lately. Again. Which is the "phase" I spend the most time in. Unfortunately, it's also the most likely to muck up my DBing, because I start pushing, and feeling very justified. This just doesn't work with H. If I relax, so does he. I can't complain to him--he just shuts down. I have to model to him how I want to be treated. He's very much a case of "I treat you like you treat me."

H did go out last night, but after I went to bed. This has alwyas been okay with me...I understand his schedule is different than mine, and he just gets bored. I really feel, sometimes, like a wet blanket because I can't go do these things...but, often, it's just a case of "I need out of the house."

We were talking while I was driving to work this morning. I've noticed a lot of our better talks occur over the phone. He said some interesting things to me... Complained that too many people wanted things from him. Yup, the last time I heard this was when he was starting to come around before. I think H has a tendency to seek out tons and tons of people--male and female--when he starts feeling down, as a distraction. He also goes in this cycle... About every six months or so, he starts hanging out with a new crowd of people. Usually as he changes jobs. Right now, they are soooo important to him...but he said that about the people from his last job, and those at the job before that. I'm not saying they aren't really important...just that I know, from experience, his contact with them will taper down again. There are very few people who he maintains a length friendship with.

He also told me has a hard time telling "NO" to people...and that's why he winds up getting so busy all of the time, and feeling stretched. He said he wanted to spend more time with me, especially since he felt like he's barely seen me since I got home, and that he would be careful to stay less busy next week. I, strangely, haven't felt that neglected...mostly because he's been so whiny and irritable lately, I haven't really minded avoiding that.

I guess psycho had called him this morning, and he was so mad from that he couldn't go back to sleep. She invited us--yes, both of us--somewhere. Again. Ugh. I also found out that she's actually been calling him almost daily. I hadn't realized it was often. Yuck. But the nut hasn't figured out H lied to her about my being pregnant... I started laughing, told H we should go to whatever it is, and then just act like we had no idea what she was talking about. Yeah, I know, evil...but she's a nutcase. And I am clearly not six months pregnant. lol! He thought it was kind of funny, too, but I would really just rather she disappeared.

H also called me midday, just because he missed me.

I did brag about him today with some gals at work. (We're all talkaholics...oh boy...lol) One lady's bf had emailed her the cutest message, said she loved it because he rarely just called to say ILY or "I miss you." I got kind of sheepish, and admitted that my H did that almost daily... What a cutie he is. It's always been one of the things I love about him. He even did it while we were seperated. (See? I love WOA! )

He did tell me earlier he couldn't wait for to come home so we could cuddle...asked me to come hug and kiss on him when I get there. Good signs. He'll probably swing back and forth for a bit before he settles down...he did before...but I do feel like we may actually be past the middle-of-the-road-hump.

H works tonight, and we have plans for tomorrow night. I am soooo glad it's the weekend.... I have just been dead tired since I got back from Chicago.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]