Backing off from H seems to have really worked. He called me yesterday 10 minutes till 5, wanting to know if I was coming home on time. (BTW, I rarely get out of work late... ) Said he wanted to see me before he left to have dinner with his friends. (I have been trying to get him to spend time with me ever since New Years! Note to self--H clearly has a thing about my being the pursuer too agreesively...)

He did want to cuddle when I got home. (Been craving this for awhile. ) We even ML. (This also seems to happen more now that I've totally dropped the subject. Hm...)

We chatted some while he got ready to leave. Some alien garbage, some normal stuff... I did tell H that I was a little hurt that I wasn't invited. He said it was only because he wanted to stay later than I would have wanted. I said that I probably wouldn't have gone anyway...just that sometimes it almost feels like he's embarassed of me. (No, not really...I'm probably exagerating...I have a bit of paranoia about being left out.) He assured me that he was not, of course, embarrased of me--and that he actually talks about me all the time. (I've heard this from other people as well, actually.)

At one point I told him that I feel like he won't let me get close to him. (Emotionally.) He said he was afraid--because he doesn't want me to get sucked into his problems. But that he was working on it...that he felt a little less of a barrier there...and he doesn't really like it, either. (I can't help but wonder...does he have issues because he thinks he should have issues?? Does that make any sense?)

He did give me a hug and kiss before he left--he's been slowly increasing the PT the last few days. ( ) H also asked me several times if I was angry with him for going. I told him of course not. (Yes, I did feel a little left out...but then again, I always do... Maybe I should take a closer look, and see if he really does always want me to not tag along? )

He thanked me several times for "letting" him go. The choice of wording strikes me as odd. Could just be how H says things...a lot of times it's just a little different from how I would say things.

I did notice that he seemed a lot more attentive to me/my feelings in general last night.

Went to the gym--that was nice. Three months, and my shoulder is doing better...I miss a lot of the upper body stuff I was doing... Last night was the first time it hasn't ached after a workout, even with the reduced routine. Yay!

Did some more drawing on the computer at home. That gets me so sucked in...I love doing it...

I called H when I went to bed. He didn't answer--not unusual, but I put a stop to any crazymaking. Just left him a goodbye message.

I didn't notice what time he came in. But he came in and gave me a hug and kiss. Thanked me again for "letting" him go...said he had really needed it... Told me that me giving him his space has made things so, so much easier for him. ( )

No weird alien middle of the night chat last night!! Yay!

When I was trying to get up this morning, H rolled and flopped on me. LOL I had to convince him that it really was a work day for me today. And, when I gave him my kiss goodbye, he tried to pull me down again. It's been a few weeks sinc he's done that.

H called today while I was at lunch with some coworkers. I think he was surprised I was busy--he asked where I was, and sounded confused when I told him "Olive Garden." I was very sweet with him on the phone. He was starting to use more affectionate language with me again. I promised to call him back later.

If I can see it's no big deal that I have lunch with a couple of coworkers, why does it freak me out when he goes out to breakfast with some people after work??

I called him back as soon I got in from lunch. H said he had a headache, so I talked softly with him. We just chatted for a bit, nothing about how he's feeling weird. ( ) He said again that he was glad I "let" him go out last night. I asked questions about his evening, wanting to seem curious but not like I was prying. Hope I didn't come across that way. It was a brief conversation, but very nice.

So...progress...slowly, no pushing...

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]