I had a fun time with FF last night. We went out to eat, chit chatted. Told her H and I had a fight on Sunday, but not much else. It was interesting, since she mentioned her bf would say some of the same weird things--"I want to live alone," etc. Wonder if it's just a guy thing in the winter?? LOL

H did call me while I was at the gym. He sure does call me a lot... (I haven't been calling him as much. ) He wanted to know if I had balanced the checkbook like he'd asked. I told him that I had before I went to the gym--think I surprised him. (Small 180?? ) We chatted about the kittie food, decided we wanted some groceries. He said he was almost home, so I asked him if he wanted me to swing by and pick him on the way to Kroger. I could hear him shut down--he said "No, I feel weird." I just said okay, and went by myself.

I got a little misty while I was at the Kroger...ran across a picture of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and that whole mess. It's hard enough without having the stupid magazines smear it all over the place...

Got the stuff, went home. Didn't see H's car there, and got kind of upset just thinking of it. I got all of the groceries, and figured out H was home after all--guess I just didn't see the car. He opened the door for me and took the bags. I could tell he was distant. But he didn't go out last night--just stayed in and studied.

He did mention to me that he didn't know if he could do the things I asked of him the other day. I think the problem lies in really understanding what I want, instead of what he thinks I want... I'm just going to let him sit on this one...not going to backtrack what I said...but I'm certainly amenable to a midway solution.

The guy really strikes me as someone who is depressed right now. I don't know what about, but it's just in his whole demeanor. He's withdrawn, irritable...even grumpy with the dog. I got some more of the "It doesn't feel the same," and "We're broken, it can't be fixed." Last night I tried to tell him it was okay, I've felt the same, etc. This morning it occurred to me that this may come across an unvalidating. I'll have to pay attention to this in the future.

I do recall him coming in and trying to talk to me while was asleep. This is getting old...I work in the mornings, and I just can't keep letting him talk to me in the middle of the night. And, to be honest, sometimes I can't stay awake, even if I try. But geeze, does he complain if I get him up on the weekend!

Not sure when he came to bed. I did notice that he snuggled with me when he was asleep. Actually, he was really close to me when I woke up this morning. Tells me that, underneath whatever is making his brain go nuts, he still wants to be close.

Unfortunately, H got up to use the restroom in the middle of the night, and let the dog out of the bedroom. There was an accident on the floor. I just put a towel on it--I'll clean it when I get home--and left it at that.

Noticed the dog following me around all morning. I wonder if he's ignoring her, too? Usually she only follows me so much when he's not at home.

I gave him a kiss and hug goodbye as usual. He seemed groggy, but affectionate.

I woke up feeling a bit unwanted and depressed. Then I got angry. On the way to work, I just cried. This sucks.


Positive: H is still at home. His reactions to what I do/say seem to be much more immediate...

Drawback: Because H is at home so much, I don't have much time or opportunity for just "down time" to deal with my feelings--and the "as if" is much harder. Think I'm going to have make more "me" time during the week.

And...try to figure out small reasons to come home later. Maybe just stop to pick up some stuff on the way. He did call me yesterday since he was "worried" about me. Hm.

So, just going to do my own thing for awhile. Inviting him along doesn't seem to help...just going to give him room to deal with whatever it is that has him so preoccupied.

And for a guy who says he doesn't want to talk, he sure wakes me up a lot. lol

Oh...noticed something else...being the little snoop that I am, I noticed he hasn't talked with FF in AZ for a couple of days. (Hey--the phones are in my name, and I pay for them...) Hm...wonder if he really did listen to all of my yelling...

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]