Quote: I guess...I'm somewhat frustrated because I thought I was past this junk. I know that being upset because I'm upset is only going to make it worse. But being thrown back into such an emotional quagmire out of the blue really hit me hard. I feel like I'm having a harder time dealing with it now than I did before...although I realize that's probably not true.
Yup...I can relate...it's hard not to overlay the low period with the "beat yourself up" story...but, well, you know that it doesn't help, probably hurts and prolongs the pain...it's been 2 years for me and I still get stuck, stuck, stuck. I don't know that it will ever go away, frankly, but I do find it's lighter now, easier to get through, and actually keeps me on my DB toes.
Quote: I'm definately depressed. I have no desire to do anything. Don't want to clean. Don't want to draw. I'm having trouble concentrating at work. Been forcing back crying. Even music doesn't sound good right now. I actually had to force myself to sit down and write this--although I know that writing will help me sort things out and feel better. Why is it that depression feels lousy, but just sort of sucks you down so you almost don't want to climb back out??
That's its calling card, no? Are you generally prone to depression? Is there something else going on at the same time as all of this? Not that there has to be...your h laid a bunch of stuff at your feet in the last few weeks....
Quote: Some things clicked in my head over the past couple of days. For one, H was sounding the same as he did prebomb; I was feeling the way I did prebomb. Hm. He was digging for compliments. Hm. H was also comparing me to his family again. It was in a positive way, but I've noticed in the past that he draws away from his family when he feels that they are being too critical. Hm. H was suddenly really into his email, and has been talking with some girl who moved to AZ recently. Nothing out of line or anything (I know all of this because I snooped...whack away if you want...), but I know he starts seeking out new friendships because those are usually very validating in the beginning. Hmmmmm....
AHA! Awesome insight! Note to "self" -- if you can, decrease criticism and increase validation and appreciation when h starts his "pre bomb" rumblings.
Quote: He also could tell I was pretty down today when I got home from work. He kept asking me what was wrong, and I just kept saying that I was feeling down. I didn't know how--and didn't want to--articulate what was really going on. And he's even started offering me some reassurances.
This is a tough one...OTOH, you don't want to make him feel badly for sharing his negative feelings with you but on the other, you don't want to shut him out, either...have you thought of a way to tell him "some of the past few weeks brought back some hard memories"?
Quote: Sorry for all of the griping. Something about getting it out and in writing is therapeutic for me.
Didn't feel like griping at all! I'm glad that it helped to write it down...
Sorry your stomach has been bothering you too! Does anything help? I'm having ginger tea right now...want a cup?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
But being thrown back into such an emotional quagmire out of the blue really hit me hard. I feel like I'm having a harder time dealing with it now than I did before...although I realize that's probably not true. 
I actually had to force myself to sit down and write this--although I know that writing will help me sort things out and feel better. Why is it that depression feels lousy, but just sort of sucks you down so you almost don't want to climb back out?? 
Something about getting it out and in writing is therapeutic for me. 
