Quote: Some things clicked in my head over the past couple of days. For one, H was sounding the same as he did prebomb; I was feeling the way I did prebomb. Hm. He was digging for compliments. Hm. H was also comparing me to his family again... So I wondered if H felt I was being too critical. He's way more sensitive than he will admit (especially with his "I'm a mean prick!" exterior). So...I decided to be as reaffirming and validating as possible while still staying backed off. Every chance I got, I told him something he was doing was great or thoughtful or smart, and listened whenever he wanted to just gripe. ... When he got in late last night, after having a hard time working on his car, and was really excited that he finally got it--I told him how I knew he would figure it out, and that I'm so glad he's good at that kind of stuff.
I did notice a few things over the past few days. H might not be feeling 100%, but he's definately feeling better. He actually called me today when he woke up, just to say "hi." Almost even sounded sappy on the phone! It's been a couple of weeks since he's done that--he actually used to do that almost daily.
He also could tell I was pretty down today when I got home from work. He kept asking me what was wrong,
OK, Nevanna. You are doing some great Dbing and it is paying off. You have observed well and put in some corrections and seen immediate results. Keep it up.
I know that you are still feeling low... but the last line concerned me. From H's perspective, he has felt better being around you and he is motivated by your WOA to pick up the phone and call. This is great.
Now I know why you are depressed and I Know why you are not thrilled, etc... but... do not cut him off with your depression when he is just beginning to find it quite appealing to be around you again. Act as if you are ok when he comes home... or
if that is impossible... give him huge validation for noticing and caring....
It's been a couple of weeks since he's done that--he actually used to do that almost daily. 
