Hey Myrrh. It's nice to see your around again.

To be honest, H has cut expenses. We both have. I just goofed--badly--this paycheck. Whoops. (This is one of the reasons we're looking into consolidating our debts.)

As for the not working...well...we discussed this for a very long time, and I agreed to let him have a "break" before going to school. To be fair, I did the exact same thing to my last semester of college. He worked fulltime, I had one (incredibly easy) class and basically goofed around at home. I've also done this two other times while in between jobs. So I don't begrudge him asking for his turn. (And he did sign up for his GED today.)

Oh...and he actually has talked about getting a parttime job. I think his friend may get him one here, soon.

(Can't help it, I tend to defend him... )

Quote:

This isn't you...this is his problem, and until he realizes he doesn't have to be a victim of all these circumstances he is frustrated with, his feelings probably won't change. He needs to put a lot more effort into this, IMHO.




I completely agree. I've been trying to "plant" those ideas casually in his mind, but who knows if they'll take root.

I do know one thing...H has been frustrated his entire life. No one has ever really encouraged him. I even see it with his family. It amazes me how much he accomplishes when I start telling him how good he is at something instead of complaining when he doesn't do something.

And pushing him to do things doesn't help. I've tried that...and it completely backfired. Letting go and letting him do it has gotten more done in the last few months than the entire time we've been together. As much as I hate the idea of him joining the guard, I know how it helped his brother, and I think it will help him (us) a lot, too.

sigh

We had another deep conversation tonight. Same basic stuff as last night. I've been trying to emphasize that talking to me helps me--even if it seems to upset me, I am less upset than if he just runs from me. H admitted he does want to run, but is fighting himself. I told him that his feelings are okay, they are just feelings, and he should never be ashamed of them.

Some interesting tidbits. He told me he thinks I should have been more hard on him (over the PA). He's amazed that I was willing to take him back. And that he realizes the minute he touched her how badly he ruined things. I told him that this is a new a relationship, and that we can just leave the old one behind. He said it's hard for him to do that...hurts too much.

Oh...he also said after our talk (and we easily talked for an hour or more) that he was actually feeling somewhat better than yesterday. He was acting more normal, too.

I wanted to go to the gym with H, but I've had a touch of a cold, and have just felt lousy the last couple of times I've gone. And he wants to stay longer than I do. So I let him go, no fussing...had to fight myself. I did delay him a few minutes, but was careful not to let myself get out of hand.

We were just joking around when I mentioned that I think of sex talk on the internet as cheating. He got this serious look, and asked me what I was talking about. I said I have a problem with it--a serious problem. He asked why. I said because it detracts from our M. I asked him why he was concerned. He said that he had before. Told me it was about six months ago. Something about an adult site, so it was with someone anonymous. (That actually gave me a little relief...I would have had a bigger problem if it were with someone he knew or could stay in contact with.)

He asked how big of a problem I would have, and I said it would be a serious problem. H said he was likely to do it anyway, just because I told him not too. (How teenage is that?? lol) I told him that was fine, and if that were the case, he might as well just walk out the door as far as I was concerned. I wasn't harsh, just firm. He came over, looking concerned, said again it was six months ago, one time, and he didn't know it would upset me. I said that was fine--if he didn't know, he didn't know. But now he does.

I consider the matter done with. Hopefully I didn't upset him too much.

But what surprised me was his change in attitude. I have never been that firm about something in the M, and I stand by this one. He seemed concerned... I'm curious to see how this plays out later...

I did tell him that I would probably be asleep when he gets back. He asked me to call him and tell him goodnight. Said that he really likes that.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]