Quote: He told me that it wasn't me, that I was doing everything just fine. (BTW, I've heard that before...so it doesn't do anything to convince me.)
Okay, Nev. I have been reading you daily lately, and I share your concerns over your H's recent behavior. I hate to tell you this, and you probably will not want to hear it right now, but he is right in the above.
You are doing fine. There is nothing you can do to change the feelings or thoughts he is expressing right now. You can't logically argue about why he should be open about who he is hanging out with - if you needing to hear this from him isn't enough, he isn't going to get it.
He has expressed a refusal to change. You need to decide where your boundaries are. Thee is a difference between correcting the things in you that you KNOW need changing, and torturing yourself trying to be perfect for him - completely nondemanding, nonthreatening, and nonchallenging. Is that who you are?
I want to see more of him nurturing you. You deserve a break from trying to be Superwife. His guilt is, unfortunately, his issue. You can't make it go away, and it is unfair of him, imho, to ask you to try. It seems like he expects you to hide your hurt from him so that he doesn't feel bad. If I am way off base, I hope you will forgive me.
I know how hard you are working, and you should be able to (at some point) relax into your marriage and just enjoy it. Your needs and wants are OKAY. You are OKAY. This is his weirdness right now. You are allowed to still be hurt, and scared, and all the other things you are feeling.
You are great at being understanding where your H is concerned. Well, I am going to encourage you to be understanding where YOU are concerned. Be gentle with yourself. You have been through a lot, and what your H has been through has been due to his own choices.
You deserve to be honored. That doesn't mean I am suggesting any specific course of action, just reminding you that you are a precious and wonderful human being, and you deserve to feel safe in your marriage. You are doing WONDERFULLY, and I for one, have great admiration for you.
Huge hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
