Note to self: I cannot fix H. I knew going in that he had some personal issues to resolve. I need to just listen, and not try to fix.
Okay. Just seem to remember better when I write things down...
H spent lots of time telling me how he feels this evening. It helped. Found out some interesting things...
H wishes I "understood" him. Not just listening and accepting him, but to understand why he feels the way he does. (This hurt to hear...not because of what he was saying, but because that's what he used to say about xow all of the time... "She understands me." Ewwww...)
He always gets worked up this time of year. Something about this time of year. Happened last year. The year before. H said he remembers getting uptight even years ago, living in California.
H told me that he is afraid of being alone. That he is afraid I will leave him. He actually has always said this...so it's nothing new.
He confessed that his emotions--especially the guilt--get the best of him right before he goes to bed. That's why he often comes crying to me when he goes to sleep. But I had already guessed that.
H said he's not happy with his life--except for me --right now. Because he's not working, he's not going to school yet. He's frustrated because he can't seem to follow through with anything in his life.
He also has admitted that now I really wasn't the cause of all of his unhappiness and anxiety...that's a little satisfying to hear.
He just told me that he has always gotten this worked up. I asked him about the first couple of years we dated, and he just said he hid it then. That he didn't want me to leave him. (I've heard that several times now.) Sigh. At least he's hiding less things from me now.
Yeah, some random stuff... Although he's still talking about babies...
Just seem to remember better when I write things down...
