H totally caught me off guard when he came home from work last night. (Although waking up to see his face when he came into the bedroom is always nice. ) He asked me if I had been upset. I said no, and asked why he thought that. H said he saw the photo album (wedding) on the coffee table, and wondered if I had been cheering myself up.

I told him no. That I had been watching Will and Grace on TV, the episode where Leo and Grace get married. And, that Leo looked really hot in the tux...and then I remembered how hot H had looked in the tux...and dug out the pics to see it again. Unfortunately, the pics didn't do him justice...but they were nice to go through again. (Although this shows me he's not as insensitive as I was thinking he was the night of our fight.)

I ran across something on the BB's that did get me upset. About finding love emails to an OP. Why today this bothered me, I don't know. I never know what's going to trigger me. But I remembered how I had run across this letter he wrote to xrm. In which he said he loved her. He's dismissed it as nothing...basically that I knew he had a crush on her, and at the time he was just trying to keep her there as a roommate, and how he doesn't write well anyway... Well, the whole thing never sat well with me, anyway. Although he did make a good point about the fact that he didn't think anything of it, or else he would have taken it out of my binder. Whatever was or was not behind the letter--and it's irrelevent now--it still hurts. To see my husband write ILY to someone else.

But...I had promised H I was going to try harder to not remind him of things. So, I kept my mouth shut. Figured if he caught on that I was upset and asked, I would be honest. But, otherwise, I wasn't going to say anything. Instead, I went over and gave him a huge hug. Must admit I got kind of clingy...kept going to him for hugs and kisses. He noticed and even commented that I seemed clingy, and I agreed. But I didn't tell him why, and he didn't ask, and eventually I got it off my mind. Without having to upset him in the process.

Later in the day--I can't even remember what we were talking about--H just says "I'm sorry about the glass." I didn't skip a beat, just said "It's okay," and kept right on talking. But, answers that question. It must really be on his mind, as much he's mentioned it the last few days.

H commented that he's much happier now--kind of like he surprised himself. All throughout our relationship, H has been kind of a grump at times. He then said that, often, he's angry because he's hurt. I told him I knew that...I had figured that out months ago... Actually, learning that helped me a lot in dealing with back-and-forth moodiness while we were seperated.

When we went to the pharmacy to pick up my BC, H commented that I could just not bother... I told him there was no way we could pay for a kid right now...nowhere to put one either...but it was a nice thought.

And, then, while we were running errands, H starts saying how he can't stand to be without me. (Translation: he didn't like living apart.) That he didn't like it. I asked him if I had done or said anything to "remind" him--since the other night he claimed that he only got upset when I did--and he said no. He told me again he was sorry. He's actually been pretty sensitive most of the night.

I have my appointment with the doctor on Monday to see if the abnormal growth was completely frozen off. H admitted he is a little worried. I'm not so much worried as I just don't want to go through that nonsense again. I hated it. It was horrible, uncomfortable...I felt unattracive, and was unable to ML for close to two months. And when we did again, we had to start slooooow and gentle because it was still uncomfortable. Yuck. I do not want to go through that again.

And, worst of all, H won't be able to go to the appointment with me. His car is still busted, and three trips to and from my work is just silly. I'm not a big fan of this type of doctor visit, and H does make me feel much better, but I guess I'm going to have to go this one alone.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]