Wanted to add this last night, but ran out of time when we went to the gym.
It finally clicked with me why I have this need to talk about, and read stuff about it and think about it... It's my way of incorporating everything into our story. In a way that makes sense with me. The more I go over it, the more comfortable I am with everything we've been through, and the easier it is for me move on. (Does that make any sense??)
I went through this period, for awhile, where it didn't even feel like some of this stuff happened to us. I could barely remember living in his apartment (the one he kicked me out of) or when he used to work at the bar where he met xow. Didn't seem real, didn't seem like it could have been us.
Well, now that seems to be incorporating itself in. But we've put lots of good memories in there since then, where we're like we used to be, and that helps me. I figure if we can make it through that mess, we can make it through anything.
H has been doing a lot of playing around lately, not being the responsible adult. I honestly don't care. I did the same thing for awhile. I make enough money to take care of us, and that's all that matters. Eventually, I know he will do the mature adult stuff and join the army (yuck...but that's what he wants) and go to school. But I can't blame him for wanting to just run around and play video games and just do whatever for awhile. I did that my last year of college...realized I could borrow enough money I didn't need to work, and then just did whatever I wanted for those four months. It was great. Yeah, sure, I'm paying that back now...but I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I know that's what he's doing right now, and I wouldn't take that opportunity from him, either.
Interestingly, H brought up his anger again at the gym. I must have bothered him some, the other night, when I said it was a problem. He said, again, he felt he needed TKD as an added stress relief. And, when I thought about, he was much less stressed and temperamental when he was going to class.
Anyway, hope everyone is having a nice weekend. We just got more snow...bleh...I hate cold weather. One of these days, we're going to move to Phoenix. (And buy a house...and have babies...) I can't wait!
