Well, I almost forgot there were ever any problems over Christmas. Aaaah, well. Actually, it was very, very nice. I had a couple of weeks of just, well, normal, happy married life.
Anyway, Saturday evening my brain started churning, and I had some down days. It's amazing, I'm not really that upset, but after feeling good for awhile...it really struck me again. I was horrible, horrible place at one point.
Realized I was doing the passive agressive thing with H again. Ugh. It's such a hard habit for me to break. I had been relaying details from various sitches on the board...what various WAS had done. On some subconcious level, I wanted H to know what kind of crap he put me through.
Caught myself last night, and now I'm just going to shut up unless he asks me. He's good to me now, and that's what I really care about.
Also realized H was right last night when he accused me of letting other people's drama upset me. He pointed out (correctly) that we are not them, and I shouldn't be let other people's drama get to me. He's completely right.
All of that must have built up for him; he was really upset last night. I'm going to have to be more careful about what I say for the next few days, don't want us to go back down that road again.
Other than that, things are calm. Still talking about kids. Still a couple of years off (financial concerns and whatnot).
I realized I have a real paranoia of H's making new friends. Mainly female. I wonder why??? (That was sarcasm. ) Both times things got bad, it was right after he had this new "really cool" friend.
I'm also bothered that he doesn't understand/see he had an EA with xow. He does realize that their friendship was unhealthy, that she was manipulative, and that his being around her brought out some really ugly stuff in him. It's not that I want to blame him...I'm past that...more that I want him to understand the why so there's no problems of that type again. Same deal with psycho xrm. (Who is long gone! YAAAAY!!) Definately some EA going on in the beginning, although I think he got tired of her really quickly. And, it certainly didn't progress nearly as far. I do think he was listening to me, one conversation we had on how affairs start, and was much more cautious.
My day was pretty lousy yesterday. Went to get new car insurance, and found out my license was suspended. Something about failure to appear in court over a seatbelt violation...one which I paid and admitted guilt to and all that stuff. Well, apparentally the courthouse never received the payment. So...I couldn't get new insurance because the guy knew I was driving the car. And I had to drive home on a suspended license. Yuck. Okay, it's probably been suspended for some time now, just didn't know it. Anyway, headed to the DMV on lunch today with copies of the money order to get my license reinstated. (The other half couldn't get drug out of bed this morning to take me to work. ) Wish me luck!
Quote: Also realized H was right last night when he accused me of letting other people's drama upset me. He pointed out (correctly) that we are not them, and I shouldn't be let other people's drama get to me. He's completely right.
I read posts and find myself getting very angry at H all over again. I am sure I leave him stunned sometimes with my bad moods that seemingly come from nowhere! (I have not shared the bb with him.)
Also had to laugh when I read this too because while watching the Peterson trial on Court TV I started to get paranoid about H plotting against me! LOL Whew, glad that trial is over!
Quote: Also realized H was right last night when he accused me of letting other people's drama upset me. He pointed out (correctly) that we are not them, and I shouldn't be let other people's drama get to me. He's completely right.
I do this too... It's hard though when you read sitch's that resonate...
Quote: I realized I have a real paranoia of H's making new friends. Mainly female. I wonder why??? (That was sarcasm. ) Both times things got bad, it was right after he had this new "really cool" friend.
Right there with you with this as well...I am working really hard though on this...watching my reactions to make sure I'm as open to hearing about his classmates, etc, to ensure that he doesn't feel as though he can't talk or share with me for fear that I'm going to overreact and ASSume the worst.
Ah, well, sounds like you guys did some good growing.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Also realized H was right last night when he accused me of letting other people's drama upset me. He pointed out (correctly) that we are not them, and I shouldn't be let other people's drama get to me. He's completely right.
Dear, dear darling. H used to tell me this all the time. His words: "Why are you letting someone else's #$@)*$@ affect us?" I know it's hard, but you gotta take care of yourself and your R with H. I still do this, and I find myself getting upset when I read other DBers' sitches, especially when the WAS is lashing out. It is difficult for me b/c I've been here so long and my fellow DBers are part of my life. In the end, though, you need to protect what you've worked so hard to "piece" back together - your M. It shows growth that your H feels safe enough to open up like this to you. You have made so much progress.
Keep up the great work. I lurk on the "Piecing" forum often, and everyone here is such an inspiration to me. TTYL!
Okay - back to "lurker" status.
NSN My current thread LUVR ... Listen, Understand, Validate, and Respond
Interesting, you all pretty much quoted the same part...lol
I'm actually feeling pretty good today. I get pretty emotional right before my period (sorry guys), so it seems to have been a nasty case of PMS. Poor H, I've been driving him batty the last few days. But...now I'm feeling pretty good.
I can soooooo relate to the PMS behavior! Sometimes it's like an out-of-body experience. I can actually see myself baiting my H and yet can not stop myself. Lasts a day and then it's gone. Oh....can not wait for menapause!
I used to feel guilty about the PMS moods but have since decided that one day a month isn't all that bad considering the hell he put me through for 2 years. Hmmmm, did I say "put"? I meant PUTS!
Isn't it amazing what hormones can do to a person?? This month's was pretty annoying--who knows why. Usually it's two or three days right before...and bam! I'm a grumpy b!tch. Then I'm whiny, needy, clingy. As soon as my little visitor (:p) gets here...then I'm just fine. Poor H. I'll give him a nice back rub later tonight.
NSN, BTW, why just lurking?? You can always chime in...
H made an interesting comment last night. We were curled up on the couch. He said he was thinking of buying "us" a movie with his last $20 from last week. (I make the bulk of our income, pay most of the bills, etc, since he is returning to school shortly.) Then he pointed out that he sees things as "ours" now, not just "yours" and "mine."
Kind of an interesting shift. The entire time we've been together, he had this thing with dividing up everything we bought. He used to say "if we split up, this is yours, and this is mine." I always dismissed it as just a quirk, since every other thing he always said was "I can't stand to be apart!"
Anyway, he pointed out last night that now he feels much, much more comfortable and relaxed with me. And, that it seems the seperations was good for him, in that regard.
Hm. Glad it helped someone. My trust went down. Okay, it's not that bad anymore...it'll be fine with time... I'm just glad he feels much more secure now.
I had a bad night. Really, really bad night. Unfortunately, I can't blame it on PMS right now....
I'm too tired to go into all right now. Bedtime. Just thought if I could put it down that I had a bad night, I might feel better... lol Does that make any sense? Ah, well.
Lots of stuff swirling in my head right now. H is about to go out for the night. I feel totally unvalidated, and alone right now. First time I've felt this way in quite some time...
On the other hand, I did notice that somewhere along the way, the DB stuff just got smooshed into my brain. Enough that I guess I don't always think about it, just do it. That's a good thing.
Sigh.
I'm tired. Emotionally. Physically. I think I desperately need a vacation.
H just got out of the shower. He asked if I was writing about tonight. I said no, that all I wanted to do was write down that I was feeling crappy. That, a lot of times, that makes me feel better. He came over and gave me a hug. (Ooooh, that felt soooo much better...) I asked if he thought I made him out to be the bad guy. He said yes. I told him I tried as hard as I could to be brutally honest with what I do as well. This doesn't work if I don't examine my own actions. Not sure he believed me.
Feeling a little better now. It's something about writing, and knowing that people read and care. It always helps.
H just said he was sorry. That helps, too. Validate, validate...my turn later...
Anyway, will post details tomorrow of the fight, so I can figure what I need to do to handle things better.
Hey...at least I've learned how to repair things after the fight.
Aaaah, well. Actually, it was very, very nice. I had a couple of weeks of just, well, normal, happy married life.
So...I couldn't get new insurance because the guy knew I was driving the car. And I had to drive home on a suspended license. Yuck. Okay, it's probably been suspended for some time now, just didn't know it. 
Anyway, headed to the DMV on lunch today with copies of the money order to get my license reinstated. (The other half couldn't get drug out of bed this morning to take me to work. 
It's hard though when you read sitch's that resonate...
