Well, I almost forgot there were ever any problems over Christmas. Aaaah, well. Actually, it was very, very nice. I had a couple of weeks of just, well, normal, happy married life.

Anyway, Saturday evening my brain started churning, and I had some down days. It's amazing, I'm not really that upset, but after feeling good for awhile...it really struck me again. I was horrible, horrible place at one point.

Realized I was doing the passive agressive thing with H again. Ugh. It's such a hard habit for me to break. I had been relaying details from various sitches on the board...what various WAS had done. On some subconcious level, I wanted H to know what kind of crap he put me through.

Caught myself last night, and now I'm just going to shut up unless he asks me. He's good to me now, and that's what I really care about.

Also realized H was right last night when he accused me of letting other people's drama upset me. He pointed out (correctly) that we are not them, and I shouldn't be let other people's drama get to me. He's completely right.

All of that must have built up for him; he was really upset last night. I'm going to have to be more careful about what I say for the next few days, don't want us to go back down that road again.

Other than that, things are calm. Still talking about kids. Still a couple of years off (financial concerns and whatnot).

I realized I have a real paranoia of H's making new friends. Mainly female. I wonder why??? (That was sarcasm. ) Both times things got bad, it was right after he had this new "really cool" friend.

I'm also bothered that he doesn't understand/see he had an EA with xow. He does realize that their friendship was unhealthy, that she was manipulative, and that his being around her brought out some really ugly stuff in him. It's not that I want to blame him...I'm past that...more that I want him to understand the why so there's no problems of that type again. Same deal with psycho xrm. (Who is long gone! YAAAAY!!) Definately some EA going on in the beginning, although I think he got tired of her really quickly. And, it certainly didn't progress nearly as far. I do think he was listening to me, one conversation we had on how affairs start, and was much more cautious.

My day was pretty lousy yesterday. Went to get new car insurance, and found out my license was suspended. Something about failure to appear in court over a seatbelt violation...one which I paid and admitted guilt to and all that stuff. Well, apparentally the courthouse never received the payment. So...I couldn't get new insurance because the guy knew I was driving the car. And I had to drive home on a suspended license. Yuck. Okay, it's probably been suspended for some time now, just didn't know it. Anyway, headed to the DMV on lunch today with copies of the money order to get my license reinstated. (The other half couldn't get drug out of bed this morning to take me to work. ) Wish me luck!

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]