Quote: Sometimes I feel like H and I are living a lie. We appear to be happy (and we are) but we have this deep dark secret.
That's it exactly! It used to drive me crazy. I'm not sure when it went away; I just realized the other day that it was gone.
Quote: I am hoping my H reaches the point where he feels comfortable discussing what happened with me. ... I am afraid he is keeping it all bottled up and is going to explode one day.
There was a lot of work involved in getting my H to feel comfortable talking to me. Time and patience are the two biggest things. I also learned a lot about what sorts of things make him feel good--how to push his "happy button."
I do think that one of the best things you can possibly do is just give it time. Do things together that are bonding activities for the two of you. Don't judge his feelings (no matter what he may say). I've noticed H seems more likely to get upset/let go after we've had a particular good day or few days together. Maybe he needs that comfort zone first?
Anyway, from what I know of your sitch, your H may be afraid of scaring you off by letting you know too much too soon.
