Thanks for the support. You know something, absolutely nothing has chgnaged in the past year. The following occurred this morning, and I just as easily could have written the same thing one year ago.

At 6:15, as I was finishing my shower, W opens the shower door and says she needs to talk to me. I closed the shower door. She said that I needed to understand that while I felt I could not trust her (her latest projection of a comment I have made twice in the past year), it was her who could not trust me for all these years. She trusted me to have a marriage, a relationship, etc., and while it’s not my fault, I did not fulfill her trust and expectations and that is why we are here today. I did not look at her or utter a sound. I just listened and proceeded out of the shower and went through my morning routine of putting in my lenses and shaving.

She continued. She can see the anger in my eyes when I interact with her (n.b., angst perhaps, but not anger ), she knows that I see her as evil for what she is doing, but as far as the kids are concerned, God knows we are all human and not perfect, so while she is usually strong, for a moment she slipped and failed, and as a Christian, I should understand that. I should note that this was said, not with a remorseful tone, but a defensive one. She added that her reaction was normal given all that I have done to her. She left, closed the door, and…

she came back and said scoffingly, “Are you willing to make love to me? Can you make love to me? I fought the urge to say something and remained silent. She left, closed the door, and…

she came back to say she didn’t understand me. That I was so weak and pathetic I could not face these issues inside of me alone and was unable to give her any answers without my friends or people I’ve met on the Internet. And for good measure, pursuing a divorce was not her idea, but mine. That I told her for months that she should get a lawyer and that I told everyone in her family will confirm this…and that 10 people know this so she can’t be wrong. Thus, it is my choice. And I’m supposed to be attracted to you? Every now and then she’d give her Stepford wife smile. Again, I said not a word--no taking the bait.


For this morning’s icing n the cake, she left some papers on our stairs. They were mostly mine and I picked up all of them except one which was a notice on a local matter. As I was leaving (with S10 and D6 present), she yells out that she left these papers for me and couldn’t understand why I took all except for this one sheet. I said it wasn’t mine and I thought she might want it. Her reply, “Why would I want this? Why couldn’t you pick this up? What were you waiting for? The Maid? I don’t understand you?” I just said in a friendly tone, “Sorry. I thought it was yours. Gotta go everyone!” and went out the door.



Of course, I guess I shouldn't say that nothing has changed. Last year, I would have allowed her comments to linger in my head, might have DB''d and said I realize that she feels I failed her (to which she would say--then juts move) and I would not have my fallback on Christ as my most effective thought stopper, rock, and foundation. Perhaps the next time she says let's , I'll take her up--even though she will then accuse me of taking advantage of her. At least my slump will be over!

Agaian, IMHO, for those of you whose WAW's have left, count your blessings. This is not fun.

Keep on fighting the good fight.

Merrick