I re-read your post this morning and feel that you are truly following the path that God calls you to do.
That being said, I think we covered all of this and more on the phone last night.
TKKC1--I don't know who Harold is, but Merrick told me a little about your meeting with the priest (whom I'm going to assume is Fr. O'Brien?). I had a terrific meeting in the guise of confession with my pastor on Tuesday night. He had very strong words for me that were reassuring.
And for the record, one of our other priests, who is an elderly Franciscan man (whom I adore) has given me a much more gentle version of the same message.
Both of them have told me over the course of the year the following things:
1. It is sinful to protect someone else or enable them so that they do not suffer consequences for their actions. This does not mean that we are in the position to dole out consequences or mete punishment, but to allow things to happen by establishing healthy boundaries for ourselves and allowing the chips to fall where they may.
2. A wise person recognizes that he or she cannot force another person to return their love. If as a Catholic and a Christian, you have followed the path that God has called out for you--meaning you have kept your heart soft with a willingness to reconcile and change--He can ask no more of you.
Consider this: your STBXW is NOT following God's chosen path. Although I am sure that he would like for her to do the same as you have done, there is free will to consider. If she refuses to do this, there WILL be consequences down the road.
Ergo, at some point, God wants us all to let go of people who will not return our love. Free them. If He can set their hearts straight, they will return to us and to our marriages as stronger and more spiritually humble than they were when they left.
3. There are so many different feelings about the annulment process. I won't go into this here--Merrick has a doggone good handle on this issue. However, my advisors and spiritual counselors have told me that there is no reason why I cannot initiate this process and expect to have my wishes granted.
Fr. Bob reminded me that marriage is a sacrament. That means as one united body, we are here to follow his path-- together--and to spread His word. With His grace and blessing, if you are meant to find love with another woman SO THAT YOU MIGHT FULFILL HIS WISHES, you will find happiness. Faith, friend. Take that step.
Please feel free to ask Merrick for my e-mail address if you want to chat more. But I really hope you feel positive about your own future and possibilities. Ask for God to give you everything you deserve, TKKC1. You won't be given punishment, but blessings. He loves you.
Take care!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
