We have a call scheduled for tomorrow. in addition to the post above, following is a link to the page with my only other post (except those above) since we last talked in October.
1) A more aggressive "tough love" approach: W continues to say D complaint is being drawn up.
Legally, there is no way I can leave the house and maintain the R I want with my kids (never mind $$$), so I'm prepared to contest the D and let the chips fall where they may. At the same time, I'm at the precipice of finally taking steps that more strongly detach from W, such as no longer going to events with her side of the family and most dramatically, taking charge of my pay and fully segregating finances. Since everything I do seems to be perceived as controlling, I may as well do something "real" to protect myself.
2) What to Tell the Kids:
First, they seem to be doing well given our sitch. I've swallowed a lot of pride to protect my kids and will continue to do so if it's in theie best interests. But with a 10-year and 9-year old acutely aware of problems, there comes a time when I feel honesty has some value. They have not asked about D or S, but intimate about at times--asking general questions.
I have to contain myself from simply saying Mommy wants a D and Daddy does not--and I'm not sure we have an answer. I do say all the right things about how both of us love them, but when they get upset about us not doing things as a family, how do you respond truthfully. I'd love to say that Daddy wants to keep our family as it is and do things together, but that necessarily leaves a negative imprint on W. Given that nothing is going away between W and I and we may actually end up in court, at what point can kids handle the truth?
3) Borderline Personality Disorder: Do you know anything about this? In seems to fit some of my W's behavior, but not entirely so. If so, can it be sporadic? Is there anything I can do about it unless W takes action on her own?
