Hi Maya and Kelly - Despite painful discoveries, we are both managing to have a good holiday. Maya, I'm not sure if the St John's wort is working yet, but things are on a more even keel over here. There is a lot about seratonin, and I think zinc helps with that.
We have the week off, just catching up with friends. Maybe some shopping. No expectations.
If I don't get here till then, have a wonderful New Year, everyone. Wonder and Betsey, I'm signing up to the 'year for ourselves' brigade
Oh, boy, Slowly, I do remember writing that - and about a week or two later, my H finally turned around! I do think that's the state of mind the LBS needs to reach before the WAS can begin to turn around. Loving detachment.
I am happy to hear that things are on a more even keel over there. They are here, as well. I went out and bought SAM-e. read that it kicks in faster...about a week's time, and it is also helpful to joints. So, I thought that may make sense for me.
I don't know if the placebo effect has taken place but I am also feeling a bit better. These are difficult, difficult times for me and I will take all the help I can get.
Hope that you and NG are making sweet plans for the New Year.
Hi Ellie - I'm convinced the notion of loving detachment still eludes me, but I do hope I'm getting closer. Take for example the latest saga. NG decides to take off on a business trip next week, expecting me to take care of his friends who are guests. This is the kind of doormat I have let him make me. This time, I've just taken a couple of assignments that would take me out of town too. No tantrums. Just, honey, gee, I'm busy next week. Figure it out with your buddies. Because they unfortunately are the kind to have a long list of complaints, and I'm just not in this game anymore. NG is sulking at my work trip, but I'm not borrowing this emotion. GAL, that's my motto for 2005
Otherwise, we are hunky dory, mainly because I am choosing to look the other way when he has his moods, which are about 3-4 times a week. Maya, I will check out SAM-e too - still not shifted my butt to go get the supplements.
Off to a wedding on New Year's eve, we'll be heralding in 2005 with friends celebrating marriage - should be interesting.
Feeling a little sad about the sheer number of lives lost in the tsunami in Asia.
Quote: Feeling a little sad about the sheer number of lives lost in the tsunami in Asia.
One of D's best friends has family (GM, uncles, cousins) in Bangkok, and the family owns beachfront property in Phuket. They were going to spend Xmas there this year, as they did last year, but were pursuaded to come to California to celebrate with D's friend's family instead - otherwise, they would surely have been among the casualties.
Quote: This time, I've just taken a couple of assignments that would take me out of town too. No tantrums. Just, honey, gee, I'm busy next week. Figure it out with your buddies. Because they unfortunately are the kind to have a long list of complaints, and I'm just not in this game anymore. Wow! Wow! You RULE!!!! Reminds me of stuff I read in the book "Why Men Love Bitches! (B.I.T.C.H. Being in total control of herself!) No need to get nasty with him. Wow. You handled that one amazingly! NG is sulking at my work trip, but I'm not borrowing this emotion. GAL, that's my motto for 2005 Hey, he may NOT be sulking. He may just be totally BEFUDDLED!! HE may even be asking himself, "What just happened here?!" LOL
Otherwise, we are hunky dory, mainly because I am choosing to look the other way when he has his moods, which are about 3-4 times a week. You have always been a SHE-RO to me! Maya, I will check out SAM-e too - still not shifted my butt to go get the supplements. A bit pricey over here...jury is still out, but I think it is helping me. We will see. Feeling a little sad about the sheer number of lives lost in the tsunami in Asia. Truly sad, especially when they say there could have been SOME warning network in place.
Quote: No tantrums. Just, honey, gee, I'm busy next week. Figure it out with your buddies. Because they unfortunately are the kind to have a long list of complaints, and I'm just not in this game anymore. NG is sulking at my work trip, but I'm not borrowing this emotion. GAL, that's my motto for 2005
Otherwise, we are hunky dory, mainly because I am choosing to look the other way when he has his moods
Slowly,
You are awesome!!
I am such an emotional reactive person.
I am working to become more logical and thinking. Any tips?
I hope your trip goes well next week.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
You can buy SAM-e direct on line for a little bit cheaper than in the stores. And they do have some customs issues, but not a problem.
Slowly, I think this boundary is excellent for you! I don't know about you guys, but when others have an expectation of me that is implied and there is not consent, I feel resentment bubbling and brewing. And unless I say something about how I feel to the offender, it doesn't go away.
This is a bigger problem with my nuclear family--I'm the oldest child and everyone expects me to accommodate others nicely and without complaint because it's what I've always done (typical oldest children go out of their way to please their elders, and I'm no exception). It annoys me that they wouldn't have the same expectation of my brother or sister...
But, but, but... good for you!
Looking forward to you joining us in the 2005/Year of Ourselves club!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Reading a few threads just before going to sleep seems to have done amazing things to my thinking - the conclusion - I need to be in constant revision of dbing and other good stuff 40 years of indoctrination in non-dbing principles will obviously take a lot of effort to reverse, and I need both patience and focused efforts. Sage, I now understand your re-visiting the old threads - lots of value (and pain, I'm sure) in revision.
On detachment, I have to say I'm still feeling guilty about taking those out of town assignments next week. I know I should not, but here is a fine example of old habits being hard to shake. Guys, I'm going to depend on you to keep me on the chosen path of detachment
Quote: Reminds me of stuff I read in the book "Why Men Love Bitches! (B.I.T.C.H. Being in total control of herself!) No need to get nasty with him
Maya - I love this - I've not read the book, but being in control of myself and exercising my choices rocks with me
Quote: Hey, he may NOT be sulking. He may just be totally BEFUDDLED!! HE may even be asking himself, "What just happened here?!" LOL
Holy moly - I never thought of it that way, but it really makes more sense now. This is a MAJOR 180 for me - so he must be reeling. Well, he needs to get used to the new Slowly, the one that his betrayal was instrumental in creating - Maya, what an epiphany - thank you! NG is puzzled, and I love it
Looking forward to more loving detachment over here, Slowly
Quote: I am working to become more logical and thinking. Any tips?
I havta say, my changes are still very much work in progress. The biggest help for me has been the 24 hour rule. Not to react, I sometimes play a game with myself, like my reaction is a big secret I need to keep to myself. Helps me to stop blurting out a bunch of emotional stuff. It does get easier with practice, but is still very much a conscious competence for now, sometimes I slide back into conscious incompetence
Quote: I hope your trip goes well next week
Thanks! I will try not to dwell on things back home. The client is quite close to where my mum lives, so I'm going to stay with her, and get spoilt. Bliss
Betsey 
