Haven't had time to totally check out your thread but hope you are doing well
just wanted to check on you and let you know i am doing good Holiday season is difficult for the boys especially The first of Dec was not easy for me because it would have been my 20th anniversary. I ran away for the day I meet with 2 people i talk to on line and had a very nice time. One is a woman who is going thru a D right now that i have been talking to for almost a year and the other is a guy i meet on line and have been talking to for a few months and met once before .
I now have my own trailer and am doing good for the most part
I can not tell you how grateful i am for all the support you have given me and if i can ever do anything for you all you have to do is ask
If it were not for the wonderful people on this board like you i don't think i would be where i am now
Thanks so much Have a wonderful holiday season and i hope to be in touch soon
hi slowly, i am glad to see you are doing well, and that the day with his family went ok. geez i can see how it would be hard keeping a little mystery with him always around. but i know you will find a way.
keep working at figuring out a new r with him. you'll get there.
NG is fast asleep, while I just had too many thoughts churning through my mind, and decided if I could not sleep, I should at least put the time to good use. What triggered this departure from peace?
This evening, as we wrapped up work for the week (we were both working from home) the usual question of what's for dinner came up. So, half jokingly, I say, I'll cook one of his favourites if he will wine and dine me in style tomorrow. NG looks at me, says yes, and then says, boy you have a lot of demands. Now, at that time, I just said yes, and he better get used to it (remembering Ellie's not needy, but demanding, repartee) but then it occured to me that a simple expression of desire is being interpreted as 'demand' - ugh
Earlier this afternoon, we were at the lawyers, finalising paperwork for the sale of the flat, and it was wonderful to see our lawyer (who is a very dashing gentleman) say hello politely to NG, and when his eyes fell on me, they lit up, and he says "Slowly, you look wonderful " - and it then occured to me that NG has not paid me a single compliment since the end of the a - and I know from friends, colleagues and other acquaintances that I have not looked better in decades So I'm sitting here wondering what gives.
He clearly wants me to be around as much as possible, is kind and present, but almost in a brotherly way, except of course for the ML. But even then, it is not the high'romance variety
I know, it will take time to restore, but darn it, some days I just wonder if I'll have the satying power.
Maybe it's time for a rehash of what NG's LL are, and how you can step up the pace a little by engaging in one or more of them in new ways. If you can jostle him out of his mini-rut, it may go a long way in showing him (a) you are not going to punish him for the A (b) you are not distancing yourself but coming closer (c) making an effort to show him love in the way he likes.
I'll bet something will change vis-a-vis his lack of affectionate words toward you.
It was an insanely busy day at work yesterday, I really missed everyone here... Life with NG is much the same, good some days, back slides on others. I'm, much more comfortable keeping the rope dropped, he does seem to respond better when I'm otherwise occupied. In general, we seem to be bunding along well enough.
Hi Believe - It's so good to hear from you again, I remember well the early days when we were both at such a loss I'm glad you are finding peace and joy. Please keep us updated - I have such a big bunch of personal issues to work through, I expect to be here for a while
Slowly, Has NG ever given any indication of a desire to work through, either individually or with you, the issues underlying the A? While a cooling-off period seems desirable, and you show him you won't bite his head off , it seems that healing will require something more than business as usual. Does he feel he has lost face? Does he feel he has gained something in terms of recognition of his issues? What about yours?
I worry a lot about the possibility that H might come back some day (!)....wanting him to feel that his deeply felt concerns are addressed, and wanting a new arrangement for myself as well. H is deeply afraid of losing face, I think, too.
Seems to me that reconciliation is the harder (because, no fantasy about who this person is) but possibly more rewarding path. But it sure seems steep in parts, and long.
GBO
PS How great that your attorney told you, in front of NG no less, that you look wonderful!
Slowly, Thanks for visiting my thread, etc. No easy answers over here. I think that the reconciling part of the db process, though I am envious, looks quite difficult. The day-to-day seems most difficult.
I was struck by NG's sullen(?) behavior while his family was around. though it is difficult for you when he gets this way, it does seem to be rather sobering realization that should be most welcome.
Patience? With time, I believe the two of you are on to the best days of your R.
Hi GBO - I used to torture myself with wanting to get to grips with underlying issues, and the more I see NG in a new perspective, the more I think there is depression here, and he needs to accept it. He has very strong aversion to even the term, there is family history of depression going back 4 generations.
But, the clock on the cooling off period just started ticking again - a couple of weeks ago he discovered some of ow's deception, went through a bad night, and detached from a/ow even further. But it all feels raw again, I'm sure. I suspect we may have several of these cycles before we are really done.
I'm honestly taking each day as it comes. Life in simpler
So I'm sitting here wondering what gives.
Slowly 
.
Slowly 
, it seems that healing will require something more than business as usual. Does he feel he has lost face? Does he feel he has gained something in terms of recognition of his issues? What about yours?