How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. Annie Dillard
Of course. The Sunday Times here has for years carried a column that is 'A Life in the Day Of xxx' and it has been such a wonderful, entertaining, educational, peep into lives of diverse peoples. So here is my life - one day at a time.
Looking forward to the conversations in my new home
h's comment about the restraining order drove home a point that it took me a LONG time to learn...my h very often arrives at and communicates to me the same conclusion I'm hoping for ... it's just very often not as quick as I would expect. "sitting" with something for a while (as opposed to putting my conclusions out there and possibly alienating him) has been a good (but challenging) lesson for me!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Sounds like S. has the same disease (or is it I who has it?). Goes hand in hand with stonewalling at something when you ask for it, then days later doing that very thing (because it's HIS idea).
There's one thing you said in your last thread I wanted to comment on. S. and I go through phases of pullbacks when we've been spending a lot of time together (we usually have a big one on return from Vermont, where we are alone and isolated for days at a time with no friends, neighbors, TV, telephone, etc.). If you know this is going to cause some sort of friction, why not take a Time Out yourself? (not a Time Out London! )
This is something I need to work on. I usually just take all the time I can with S. and then get disappointed and hurt when he pulls back, causing friction, causing a fight, days to get back to normal, and the cycle continues...
Hi Sage - I know I first cottoned on to the idea that it just may be an issue of timing from one of your earlier threads - and for the most part, I am rising to the challenge of just sitting it out. I guess when an issue requires some urgency, my patience wavers
Another thing though, is the style of arriving at conclusions. My preferred approach is to talk it out, ruminate as a team, and I guess I'm less precious about putting something half baked out there. And I was expecting NG to have the same approach. Wrong. Turns out that for 20 years we have been struggling with different styles. He likes to really think things through, and while there is still some wiggle room, he does like to communicate almost the whole game plan in one go. So, instead of feeling I've been left out of the decision, I just need to find a way to provide 'input' along the way, and from past experience, he DOES take my input on board, providing it is put across delicately enough.
In this, I do believe I'm in the consciously competent quadrant - roll on 'unconsciously competent'
Hi Lnl - You are dead on about each journey starting with one step. I used to be a 'boil the ocean' person - making a drama out of every crisis because I let things just overwhelm me One of the most significant learnings from dbing has been the power of baby-steps, and with it, the understanding that now is far more important than the uncertain future
No elaborate plans for Saturday, I'm sure good and interesting things will happen.
baby steps were also hard for be to get used to. i am the type of person who sees a problem, and fixes it. but i do so love those baby steps. instead of fixing it and feeling happy, i get to feel happy a tiny bit at a time. heck sometimes i think i get more excited over one of his babysteps then i would be if he said, "it was all just a joke, and i am ready to come home now".
Hiya Kelly - Baby steps are great, except for when they fuel expectations - and there is also the challenge of maintaining momentum, right?
Weekend was good, I could see many ways in which in the past I had made life more difficult for myself. Really went in with NO expectations, and we just did fun things. I also like it that for the first time in my memory, NG is the one hustling and chasing for things to be done. Right on.
Something that I am struggling with is the lack of endearments. If iI say something, NG is fast to respond. But initiated by him? Only the ML. Not sure what this means, because I know he was quite vocal, and peppered his regular communications with ex-ow liberally with endearments
I'm not sure I want to have to ask for this, the fact that I do it, and certainly express delight and joy when he responds, should demonstrate that this is wanted, right?
Hi Jennifer - You are right in that I need to plan time out for Slowly - I'm ashamed to say that I'm still nervous that this will then be used for NG to pursue ow - yuck - why do I even go there?
It may be just Monday blues, but I'm feeling really blah today. I keep looking for something from NG, and he seems to be wrapped in something else - ugh
My cainercast for the week - I guess 'do nothing' may not be ok Necessity is the mother of invention. Inspiration, though, is the father. Things never happen just because they need to happen. They happen because someone has acknowledged that need, and then set about searching for a positive way to meet it. No matter how unhappy you may be about a certain situation, the fact remains that you are half-way towards sorting it out, just by letting it make you feel fed up! Now, you simply have to stop complaining and start actually doing something. It hardly matters what you do, as long as you do it with good will and positive energy.
Goes hand in hand with stonewalling at something when you ask for it, then days later doing that very thing (because it's HIS idea).
Slowly