Wow, I "sparked" a few comments, although some were rather "dim." There are kids involved, so I may end up putting up lights. We do normally exchange gifts on Christmas (and Hanukkah) so I'm not totally immune from at least the secular allure of the holiday.
Although my W did go through some ceremony in Arizona during her one and only Buddhist retreat in which she "converted," she claims that she is also still Christian in "some" of her beliefs. You'd have to ask her, I guess. As to a change in her demeanor, I guess she's just gotten a bit more extreme and weirder over the years. I remember a conversation we had during our first month or so of dating, when I mentioned that a friend was having a bachelor party at a "tittie" bar. I asked her what she thought about it and she said something like, I don't care what you do with your free time. If you want to go there, I'm not offended. I wouldn't want to join you, though." Now she would blow a gasket, tell me I'm supporting the male domination and oppression of women, the objectification of women, etc. I don't frequent those places (like Mustang Sally's H does), but her views/tolerance have changed somewhat over the years.
I remember about a year ago when a Victoria's Secret commercial came on and I raised my eyebrows and made a "um-hmmm" sound and she about castrated me for it, going off about the objectification thing. I told her that (is it Naomi Campbell or Tyra Banks) the model probably didn't think of it as objectification as she cashed her million dollar checks, and she just said that's because Tyra (or whoever) isn't "enlightened." Sigh. I should be so unenlightened.
Anywho, I appreciate your comments, especially the straightforward "no, don't feel like it" re: the lights. I think she's perfectly able to put them up.
Hairdog, who's off to take DD3 to Gymnastics in a few minutes!
Hairdog: seriously, I thought the joke was great.. humor is just lost on some people, but it helps to be able to make fun of yourself.
& about the lights, I had this issue 2 years ago as well... (is it me, or are there a lot more Jewish people here then I would have expected?) H is agnostic, but really wanted the lights. Personally I hate all of that stuff because it's just work: work putting it up, work taking it down. & 2 years ago, for the first time H really wanted to put up lights. Big argument ensued, ending with H saying I had ruined the holidays for him. & out of big guilt-trip I went bought lights (blue and white) and put them up. In all fairness, he buys me a new menorah and candles every year. Probably does more for Hanukah than I do even He's a big fan of holidays in general.
If you have to do the lights, make it work fir you... or make the kids do it... Laurie
Buddhism is not a religion. One cannot 'convert' to it. It is a philosophy. One can be Christian or Jewish or Muslim AND be a Buddhist.
Second. If you want to put up Xmas lights for your kids, put Xmas lights up for your kids and banish her 'you get to put up the Xmas lights' from your thoughts. You do it for them, not because 'she' said so.
When W said to you, "Oh, I didn't think you were the type of man who would divorce over sex, you should just leave now..."
You should have zoomed back to her, "Oh, well I didn't think you were the type of woman who would withhold essential emotional, sexual expression within a marriage, you should have never said yes."
However, hind sight being 20/20, that comment does us no good. You were very close to drawing a boundary with her. When you are feeling up to it, and the issue comes up again... and she says something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't think you were the type of man who would divorce over sex, you should just leave now..."
Say to her, "yes, I am a man who will divorce over being forced into celibacy. I own it. I would rather divorce you than cheat on you, for I'd rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie (that's in a song...). However, I am not ready to leave yet, I still have hopes for us, and the kids need us together. When I've reached the end of my rope, however, I'll let you know. Let me know when you are ready to confront your trust issues. I'm ready whenever you are."
And if that don't work, give me your address. I'll fly my wicked witch ass to St. Louis and plant my pointy toed witch shoe in the nether regions of her azz.... life is way too friggin' short.
Sorry. I have no patience or tolerance for stupidity and self-serving behavior.... my Dad informed me this weekend he has Prostate Cancer... and I'm about ready to kick Mrs. H-dog's butt just to relieve my rage and frustration.
There is something odd about a Bhuddist who explodes on hearing a slight utterance by her spouse. My W is nominally a Bhuddist as are all her relatives. My W can get angry and shut down the sexual works, but I have to do more than you did to really get her riled.
For example, last night, she yelled out my name four times from another room beckoning me to come see what she wanted. (I hate when she does that). She then came into the room I was in and told me that as punishment for my not rushing to her, she threw out a few things that I had been saving. I told her in the most in-your-face way I could, "I didn't come because I was brushing my F-ing teeth" (which I was). I apparently spoke her "Love language" because she got over her bitchiness and has been pleasant to me since.
Most of my girlfriends in college had the coarse feministic ideas that your spouse espouses. I wonder if they have outgrown them.
Maybe your W should visit with some real Bhuddists, the majority of whom seem very level-headed.
Corri, have I told you lately how much I love you? Everyone's comments on this thread have been so good. Yours, however, are just a step beyond that. Geeze, "I would rather hurt you honestly than mislead you in a lie." Damn that's good.
And, although you're welcome to fly to St. Louis and visit Honeypot, I'm on the other side of the state over in Kansas City. And I am ready to watch my W get her butt kicked.
As for Buddhism, I know it's a philosophy, but she did go through some ceremony whereby a lady named Khandro Rinpoche gave her a Tibetan name. I think, loosely translated it means, "she who castrates the male horse and eats its testicles with relish." And yes, Paul, I don't get the relative lack of compassion that emits from her toward me, either.
Corri, I am so sorry about your Dad. Prostate cancer sucks. It can be beaten, though. Here's to beating evil things which strike mercilessly between mens' legs.
Quote: And, although you're welcome to fly to St. Louis and visit Honeypot, I'm on the other side of the state over in Kansas City. And I am ready to watch my W get her butt kicked.
Oops. Knew someone lived in St. Louie.... okay, flight plan has been duly adjusted.
Quote: As for Buddhism, I know it's a philosophy, but she did go through some ceremony whereby a lady named Khandro Rinpoche gave her a Tibetan name.
There are two kinds of Buddhists. Those who spout Buddhist teachings, and those who understand what is as it is. I'm thinking your wife's 'name changing' ceremony did nothing but fuel the fodder spout and feed her false sense of altruism. My H has always told me never to get into a pissing fight with a skunk, 'cuz even winning means losing... but I'm thinking you need to send her 'certificate of authenticity' back to the Buddhist camp, tell her she does not pass Go and she doesn't get to collect her $200 bucks, she's failed the course, lock, stock and barrel.
By the by, you will never catch a Buddhist who has achieved final attainment speak of enlightenment -- a very good sign that she has not reached final attainment herself. You did not objectify the model, all you did was make a sound. Your wife objectified the model by interpreting your sound and assigning negative connotations to it... and then proceeded to berate you and the model for the 'objectification.'
Next time your wife makes a feminist comment to you, and waits for your response, look her in the eye and simply say "Mu." When she asks you what that means (eventually), say to her, "you're the Buddhist, you tell me."
She'll argue that she's never heard of such a thing, it doesn't exist, you are spouting nonsense. If you want to know what it is and why I think it would apply let me know, and I'll share. It'll really piss her off because she will NOT get it.
Quote: Corri, I am so sorry about your Dad. Prostate cancer sucks. It can be beaten, though. Here's to beating evil things which strike mercilessly between mens' legs.
Thanks for the sentiments, HD. Much appreciated. We'll know for certain what we are facing in terms of severity by the 10th. Until then, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers...
There are kids involved, so I may end up putting up lights. We do normally exchange gifts on Christmas (and Hanukkah) so I'm not totally immune from at least the secular allure of the holiday. 
He's a big fan of holidays in general.