Hmmm. Let me get this straight. MrsHairDog respectfully declines the offer of a husband who loves her and lusts after her, to make love to her. She says No thanks, sex is vile, I don't like it.
I think if I were HairDog, and offered the chance to get out and put up Christmas lights-- I might say No thanks, I don't do Christmas.
On a serious note, I know that even the cutest jokes, remarks that are sexual in nature really hit a nerve with folks who have decided that sex will NOT be part of the relationship. It's ok to have a sexual comment or joke between two people who have never had sex, or who are still having sex. But if they aren't having sex, and especially are not in agreement about that fact-- it's bad. I speak from experience, as a woman who loves a sexual innuendo or joke--except when it hits a nerve.
Quote: Rather, I'm just saying that I don't want to put the lights up at all. She's free to try to persuade me in any way she wants (as if), but I don't want to put the g.d. lights up.
Comments? Questions?
I would keep it straightforward and simple. "I do not want to put up outside lights this year."
I wouldn't give any reasons. You don't have to have any. And any reasons you offer will only be used as a basis for argument. Why open yourself up to that?
When NOP and I entered our crisis zone, his communication with me became very reserved. Not cold and hard. It's a fine line to walk, but what it conveyed was depth, conviction, importance. In your situation, at some point I think that contributing on a daily basis to a sense of "normalcy" may need to end. I'm trying to convey something as nuanced as a "flavor" to interactions. Perhaps NOP can fill in better.
There is a certain weightiness that needs to be achieved. Frankly, there is no place for jokes anymore in your relationship, IMO. Your wife unilaterally makes relationship decisions and that behavior has to stop. And you don't have to continue to bend yourself to accommodate it.
I'm not talking about threats, ultimatums, harshness. I'm talking about carrying within you and giving evidence without of the true seriousness of your situation *every* minute of your interactions with her.
all that talk about X-mass lites made me cry! We bought a x-mass tree last year - the perfect one plus all the decorations. we put it up day after TG because we were going to sepnd X-mass out of state (my folks). That was the first and last year with that tree....
So, maybe you should just ask you W what is the significance of those lites for her? Because if it's to symbolize happy holidays - how can you be happy with all that crap happening? I don't know if you have any kids but if the lights are for kids then make sure you tell her that that's the ONLY reason you would consdier putting them up since her needs are no longer your concern just like yours aren't hers.
I'm going to disagree with the group on this one, partly because I get into Christmas lights in a BIG way (SoCal Edison LOVES me!) and because fighting about it won't help anyway.
My suggestion is to have a "different kind" of Christmas decor, just because she requested it and to honor her new non-Christian beliefs. Put "phallic" bulbs in your light strings to celebrate life and improve the Karma in your house.
Just imagine the warm feelings she will experience every time she turns into the driveway. And it will spark "community interaction" in your neighborhood that is so lacking today.
