Hairy, I had a conversation with SIL the other day in which she flatly stated, I am just not a sexual person. I never will be.
Nowwwwwwww, I really wanted to call her on this. She obviously WAS a sexual person at one time or she never would have found herself married, imo. What man would jump on that wagon after a declaration like that? "You're not a sexual person and never will be? Whoo hoo! Let's get hitched.."
As we were talking, I tried to validate what she was saying (which was hard) but in the end I just felt sorry for her. I could see the angst and confusion in her eyes as she was telling me this. Now if she was a single person telling me these words, I would have said More power to ya, whatever floats your boat, etc. The fact that she is married to an HD guy complicates matters. So as she's telling me this revelation about herself, I could see that she very much wanted that to be the final say on things but knowing that they weren't.
I see your wife in a similar position. I agree with you that being a trustworthy and outstanding H will do little to restore her sex drive. Because, right now, she doesn't WANT it restored. I also believe she has no idea why not. So instead of scrutinizing herself and finding out what areas she can change, she is lashing out at you to cover it up. How very sad.
My SIL will probably never be a sex fiend but she could surely come to a place where she ceased detesting her husband and started enjoying sex.
I wish you luck Harry.
P.S. What does she say in answer to this question: "If you hated sex so much, then why were you the one to initiate it first in our relationship?"
