HD,
What a tough thing to deal with. You've got my vote for most confusing sitch.

My first reaction was "kick her a$$ to the curb" but I re-read her comments of this morning and had a second reaction that surprised me. I felt sorry for her.

She said...that the SSM book has “backfired” because it told her to consciously make herself have sexual thoughts and, when she does, she is worried about how it has the potential to “take her over” and make her do irrational things.

Wow! The battle raging inside of her must be huge! She is forced by SSM to recognize her "responsibilities" toward you sexually. When she has sexual thoughts her desire makes her feel that she may lose control. So she steps in with goofy "logic" about sex vs. love, M/F power, and societal mores to suppress her sexual desires.

I think you've got one super-hot, HDW in the making! If she was totally given to the intellectual babble she speaks, she wouldn't look at the porn site and certainly wouldn't invite you to see with her. She LIKES the way it makes her feel! She just doesn't want to admit it.

Maybe your best course of action is to behave toward her in a nice, sympathetic way, expressing understanding at the battle raging within her. Take an, "I know that you can't win over your own super-hot sexual desires so I'll just be patient" attitude. Reinforce the truth that "letting go of yourself" isn't an abdication of power, it's being strong enough to trust someone else. (Her clients don't give up their power by hiring her. They exercise their power by trusting her.)

I can see the most hope in her words than anything you've ever posted! You're going to have to HOY by being confident as she works this out in herself. She's having a "crucible moment".

Good luck, HD. You've got one wild woman ahead of you!