This is the thing that I zeroed in on: Mrs Hairy said
Quote: I have the ability to have those thoughts, and can get myself aroused, but the sex drive is so strong
She is admitting that she has a very strong sex drive, and that when she thinks about sex she becomes aroused (or is capable of becoming aroused) to the point of irrationality. I think this is a huge admission. How many LDs in the couples on this board say they have no interest at all in sex. What she seems to be saying is that her interest is so strong that it will overpower her rational self, if she allows it.
This societal crap makes me want to throw up. I had a girl friend years ago who used to spout that "patriarchy" stuff, too. Not that is isn't true in many ways and up to a point, but it has NO place in a bedroom discussion between two individuals. It's a big smoke screen.
I think sex and love can certainly be separate. Most of the time in my life, they have been separate. It would thrill me to death to have really great sex with the man I love. The greatest sex I ever had was with a man I was not in love with... but it went on for over 22 years (off and on) and just got better over time. We were totally physically compatible, like the perfect dance partners for each other. We loved each other, but were never in love and could never have lived together. He died a few years ago.
The sex I've had with the men I've been married to/lived with was never the joyous, playful, passionate kind of thing that I had with this man. It was usually tentative, fraught with eggshell-walking, tension, etc. Yeah, I had orgasms... but I've never had the true simultaneous experience of great love and great sex in the same encounter except in isoloated events, usually early in the R. Current BF and I have had this experience a couple of times. I should say, "I've had the experience with him." When I've told him about those two times, he doesn't remember them. My BF doesn't seem to connect sex and love either... he's very affectionate, but sex to him seems to be dangerous and creates too much vulnerability.
Mrs Hairy is hiding behind a huge political wall... Has she been reading Sonia Johnson, the rabid feminist?