Quote: I can't see: I can't see much past the pain and the anguish of my own feelings of worthlessness, embarrassment, uselessness, incompetency, stupidity, ineffectiveness, shame, humiliation, and disgrace. Its not that I don't want to see, I just feel overwhelmed by such feelings of self-loathing.
MY GOODNESS!
Is this really how he feels, Karen? That just floors me. Is he referring to his feelings with respect to your sexual relationship?
Or, specifically, where would such intense feelings of self loathing be coming from?
This has really struck me. I wonder if my own H feels something similar but just does not have the verbal capacity to express it in such a way as your husband. Wow.
As far as the communication goes, here is what happened with me: My husband wanted to do that also--he thought that I just wasn't understanding or hearing his reasons for not wanting sex. I DID hear them, but I was asking him to overcome these obstacles. He couldn't see a way to do this so he just kept repeating the same things over and over. He still does this, btw, but he is learning that my response is going to be the same, also. And he doesn't like my response cause I point out areas in which HE can change. For instance if he says he is tired, I say that he can stop going to daily Mass and go in to work later. He fails to see that his life is as it is because of CHOICES he makes. Sure there are things he cannot change (or cannot change for the time being) such as his job and the amount of time he spends there, etc. But others he can change, or ADAPT to the situation. This last one is in reference to having kids. Our oldest is five years old. At what point is he going to adapt to the fact that our house is now full of children and we have to find ways of being sexual in light of that fact?
Anyway, please advise on what could be making your husband feel so rotten. That email was very powerful.
HP
P.S. How old is your baby and good for you for lookin so hot on Saturday!
