Well here's the "post mortem." Wish I had read Nopkins suggestions before hand.
The date was nice (H thanked me for it twice) but H showed up "armed" - he had been car shopping and wanted to discuss the various models etc... So...that was the subject matter. We did hold hands, caress each others upper thighs etc.. during the movie. It was mild but nice.
H noticed the outfit - he said I looked "nice" (it was definately more than "nice") but I think there was a latent effect because on Sunday he looked me up and down and said - you still haven't lost the big bb's - we'll have to work on getting you pregnant again so they can stay. When we went to bed on Sat night I had to run in and feed the baby just as we were getting into bed and H had gone to sleep by the time I got back (10 min). I settled into "cuddle" position but ran my hand down the back of his butt/thighs and across his chest just to test the waters anyway. In the morning he made a point to say, "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you last night" and to say to the baby "You have to start letting us get some sleep." So, no sex but some realization is dawning on him that he will need to make a move.
That being said, he is seeing the C alone today (per her request). I sent him an e-mail telling him that I am wondering if he can see the problem and if he is feeling dragged in to see the C (Barb). Portion of his e-mail: ___________________________________________________________
On what I can see vs. what I can't see. I can see: I can see that we're both hurting. I can see that we're having difficulty understanding each others reasons for hurting. I can see that we both feel completely committed to understanding and healing those hurts for ourself and for each other, and that's where Barb can help. I can see that we are both committed to having a thriving, growing, wonderful, life-long marriage.
I can't see: I can't see much past the pain and the anguish of my own feelings of worthlessness, embarrassment, uselessness, incompetency, stupidity, ineffectiveness, shame, humiliation, and disgrace. Its not that I don't want to see, I just feel overwhelmed by such feelings of self-loathing. ___________________________________________________________
He wants to characterize this as a communication issue. As in, "if he can just communicate to me that he has a million reasons to not have sex maybe I will quit bringing it up."
I am disappointed with myself for not being direct (blatant) this weekend. I will work on it this week.
