Quote: His actions sound like resentment to me. What would that be about?
Right on the money! Let's ask his oversexed mom.
He was on the phone with her last night and after he hung up he said something very revealing. It wasn't news to me, but I was glad he said it out loud: "No wonder I don't trust women!"
karen1 wrote << wish my breasts could be described as "ample" >>
karen1, some guys THINK they want a bigger penis, gals THINK they want bigger boobs. I say I can have an exciting time with what I have and would be happ with Twiggy, Goldie Hawn, or Skinny Minny if she acted HOT and loved me. Bigger is not better. Attitude is almost everything.
I say what you have is HOT.
OG Lou, Happy with the equipment, wants to know how to get it working better.
Quote: I have never found him "in the act" - he just matter of factly states that he does and mentions that he is sure that I MB too. I do and I consider it a poor substitute. That being said, I am a huge fan of "outside the box thinking." I have boxed myself in to protect my own ego in some ways - I need to be more forthright. Thanks.
Something out the blue sky. Try to initiate, if he balks, start MB on yourself. Tell him, it's okay if he wants to MB with you thats fine.
Poe - good thought. I am considering that or simply just asking for him to MB me. I usually just interpret the behavior and body language as a "no" and after a few weeks initiate "the talk." The 180 would be to take a lesson from HP and initiate something ANYTHING!
Went to the C yesterday. It was singularly unproductive. My H sidestepped everything. She called him on it and he did anyway. She is meeting with him alone on Monday. She thinks he has issues with women (not me specifically) and that he MUST confront them. I AGREE. Everyone please cross their fingers/say their prayers on this one.
Karen, Sorry to hear that the joint session was a bomb. What gave you the impression that he has issues with women?
Oh and I didn't want to give the impression that I am some intiating dynamo. Far from it. I still find it very hard to blatantly initiate (grab him) but I am quite willing to do other, more subtle, things to get him in the mood such as draping my leg across his body at night or extending a hug until I feel some reaction from him, etc. The normal ways women initiate, lol!
However, I do have 'be blatant' down on my list of goals taped up to my desk and I will do that. Well it doesn't say that specifically cause I had to code them so he doesn't guess what I'm up to. It shouldn't be too hard to pull something off, since our anniversary is next week (falls on Tday this year, unfortunately).
Good luck and by all means do not wait around for 3 weeks, reading body language. Has your H ever told you, Just initiate if you want something!! Mine would say that all the time and it is mostly true.
Yeah - I do the female version of "initiation" too. If I just ask he would probably comply. I am just frustrated with the whole deal. A la Schnarch - foreplay has been negotiated down to a pitiful thing at this point. The only time it is different is when he gets revved up on his own. However, the longer I sit and wait the more the inertia goes the wrong direction.
The "issues with women" refer to the fact that he has little relationship with his mother or his step mother. He is great and very respectful with women in the business setting but seems wary of the girlfriends of our foster kids, of their mothers and their female relatives. He has dated and been sexual with relatively few people for his age and has not had particularly long dating relationships. Why it was different with me I have no clue.
My BF did say at the C one day, "Well, Lil did initiate a lot, so why did she have to stop? It worked, didn't it?" and at the last session, the C said to him, "In the beginning of your R, Lil was 'all over you.' Would you like to invite her to be all over you again and see what happens?" He said, "Yes, absolutely!" But I haven't done it, because, frankly, I'm not feeling sexy at all these days. If I did it, it would be because I've looked at the calendar and realized it's been x number of weeks and "it's time." But I'm tired of doing it for that reason. Right now, I'm waiting for Real Desire from one of us. He bought a new bed the other day (the old one was one of Billy Bob's Better Beds-- NOT!). I wonder how long before that new mattress sees some Action? I'm not giving him the cold shoulder or anything. We spoon naked every day and night, kiss, I show my Amplies, but right now I just don't feel like initiating! So sue me!
Well, I find myself in an interesting spot. I spoke with the C and she suggested that I quit explaining that "I am not just being needy" and start "being the bitch." She says that he may not be capable of what I am asking but that he needs to stop sidestepping. I should keep pointing out the sidestepping. That being said, we have a "date" on Saturday night. I have no idea how to behave on that date. I think I will try to approach it as if I don't know him. In other words, I will ask questions about him as a person and not overanalyze. AND I won't be discussing the kids. And I will dress HOT. I think I will be blatant but in a take it or leave it way. He can choose to step across the chasm or not. I will try to HOM either way.
Karen
PS Lil, I think I will ask how he feels about my intiating touch etc...
On your date, whenever you are in public, try and stand between him and the crowd. He needs to see other men noticing you.
Another thing to do. When you are talking with him, whenever you can, stand facing him, but a little farther than arms length away. Every time he closes the distance, as inconspicuously as you can, back off to increase the distance again.
Have fun :-)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
