Wow - this really is ringing true. Especially the part about his learning to squash sexual desire. When H was 26 he started working with foster kids - as a way to serve God instead of becoming a priest. Needless to say, these foster kids came with Godawful Moms - he has had very few role models of women who he can trust (he thinks I'm wonderful too - his words). His Rs were mostly going on nice dates - then he would break up when they got too demanding (probably wanted sex and he didn't know what to do). Finally, he met someone he wanted to marry. She jerked him around for a while (no sex, just oral) and finally they broke up. I kind of think he idealizes this particular R - "the one that got away" although he swears he doesn't. Then he met a couple of other women who he wound up having sex with but it was few and far between and probably not any more creative than our love making. Anyway, I think he squashed his sexuality at seminary, in order to set an example for the kids, in relationships until he was sure of them etc... His version of initiating is either to say "Can we have sex now?" or just kind of tickle my legs/butt with his fingernails in bed. He would NEVER just go for a breast, a passionate kiss or anything like that.
I plan to work on the scheduled sex idea soon too.
