Geesh...if I didn't know any better I'd think you were me too LOL.
Ok..here's a bit of background on my H and I to see if we still are a parallel.
Me: My ex was an alcoholic, who was very verbally abusive during his bouts of drinking...cut me down sexually speaking and didn't help my LD situation one bit at that point. I was VERY LD in those days (about 15 years ago). After that I met a very nice man who taught me what great sex was...and made a concious effort to learn to enjoy sex and am now consequently the HD in my relationship with my hubby; who by the way is a really great guy!
My H: His mom is very dominant in his parents relationship. She's a wonderful woman but his dad is very laid back so she dictates everything (his role-model for women). My H dated when he was a teen but never had sex...until his 1st wife who got pregnant and they ended up married at 18. She was very controlling and used sex as a weapon with him...ended up cheating on him (my guess is because he was LD then too)...his next wife was pretty much a carbon copy of his first. To make a long story short he has a history of finding women very similar to his mom (dominant) but to the absolute extreme who dictated what their sex-life was like and used it as a weapon.
As a result my H learned to squash those flickers of sexual desire and never learned how to initiate (sexually speaking) with a woman. I just found this out this past weekend by asking him further about his sexual desire when he was a teen. See I had asked if he had a higher sex drive when he was younger...which he said yes to. So naturally I assumed he had more sex...BZZZZZ wrong answer. He didn't. When I asked him why that was he explained that in the small town he was from the opportunity just didn't come along very often. Then when he met his first wife...it was a downhill slide.
Can you imagine the frustration and relief that went through me when I got this bit of info after a year of working LOL. On one hand, I really felt badly for him. I now realize that what I'd been asking him to do (step up to the plate and initiate) he truly didn't know how to do...can you imagine the frustration he felt too?
My H has never been in a relationship where someone didn't want to control him and dictate what, when, where, how and what he was to wear. So I'm a completely new (and wonderful, his words not mine) experience for him. At the same time he loves me and loves what we're becoming, he doesn't know what the hell to do with me LOL.
Now that I understand he truly doesn't know what to do we can work on that. I have not gotten him to agree to the "scheduled sex"...a lot less romantic than I'd like...but hey the man has to start learning somehow right? He would always tell me, when I'd ask him to let me know what he likes...that he would tell me when he learned what he liked. Well if we aren't having sex, how can he learn what he likes? That was my argument for scheduling that finally broke through.
Be prepared though...you are going to have to take the driver's seat. If your H has a problem similar to my H's...and I'm beginning to think by your description that it's possible that he may...you are going to have to take the lead for awhile...until he learns.
