It's been almost 4 months since I started DBing and the last month and a half has been much better for us. My H and I are not fighting, our kids are happier, and the awkwardness is starting to go away but still there. It's like we are two strangers getting to know each other again. I still feel like I am walking on egg shells and unsure if feelings for the OW still exist. I suspect they have lessened by the way H is acting but it's always there on my mind. I constantly wonder how I measure up to the young girl that H found so very attractive. I want to take a trip or go on a retreat, but H isn't willing. I always get the stop sign. I feel once again that I am giving my all but getting very little back. One of the things that got us to this point. We went to a wedding together. I went out and bought something really sexy to wear and made a stop at Victoria Secret. I knew several people at the wedding even though this was a friend of my H's. I applied DB techniques while there by not hanging around him every minute and finding other people to dance with and talk too. I noticed his face when I got up and left the table. He seemed intrigued as to where I was going but I guess I expected too much. I was hoping he'd actually come looking for me but it seemed that he was more glad that I left. I came home in a bad mood and made a mistake about talking about us. Two days later we had a family day at my BIL's and it was a nice day. I felt close to him when we got home and told him I missed him. He put his head of my shoulder and we ML that night. After, I felt the urge to say ILU but held back. I thanked him instead for sticking around and his reply was the best one I've had in months. He said "Thank you for having me". I really felt close and it practically killed me not to say ILU. What happens if he doesn't here it from me and thinks that I am not sincere. I have been trying to work on making him happy but I am not so sure I am making myself happy. I guess I am getting impatient again and want more than he is capable of giving right now. Sometimes it's really hard to find the patience. I keep waiting for that day that he wants to say ILU and it's hard not to want that right now. I still get a little funny when I see some of his bank transactions and OW # is still in his Cell phone directory. I have the urge to ask him to remove it but then it tells him I have been looking and I am hoping he will do it on his own. Piecing is beginning to get boring and this is how I got to my ugly point and pretty much was a WAW who never actually walked away. I really think a trip would be good for both of it but he cannot see it and the answer is always "No"
Anyone have reluctant H's where you wanted to go away and he didn't. Sure could use a good technigue to get him to go.
