HP wrote: ------------- My question about why I want him to want me had to do with my own self and thoughts like: Do I want him to want me to prop up my own esteem? (I don't think so) Do I need him to want me to take away feelings of physical buildup? Yeah you betcha. Do I want him to want me just because, dammit, he should? ( sheepishly admitting Yes) Etc. That's why I was really trying to search deep within myself to make sure that my motives in pushing for his desire were 'pure' or legitimate and not wanting him to provide something that is lacking in myself. Hope that makes sense. -------------
Makes perfect sense. The next logical question is; have you two sat down and discussed your respective needs (just like you outlined above), openly and honestly?
Before you say yes let me ask another question.
If I were to ask your hubby what your basic need was, would he tell me the same thing that you told me in the above quote or would he just say 'sex'?
It takes a fair bit of effort to truly understand another's needs.
As TNC encouraged you to ease up on him a bit. I want to take that a step further.
As a "high drive" person, it is very easy to focus on yourself to the point of being destructive. That is why it is vitally important at this stage to be kind with your spouse, and really notice the small efforts and accomplishments.
All of us have to realize when real effort is taking place. The last thing any of us want to do is to quell the very thing we are striving for, by beating our partners into a position of being unable to perform, or even worse, unwilling to perform after having tried so hard.
You guys are doing fine.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
