I needed Momma Hairdog there in a big way to tell me to not forget the good as I pushed on for the perfect.
Here is a synopsis:
HP: I do not like the following dynamic. 1. "I will give what I want when I want it." 2. "I may tell you that I will do something and then refuse to do it when the time comes."
In addition to that, I will not be made to beg. I am too valuable and kind and beautiful of a woman to be reduced to such idiotic behavior.
Mr.HP: I am tired of my efforts not being enough. We've made love almost every night this week and yet all you focus on is the one thing I DIDN'T do. I realize I'm self centered but I thought I was doing better.
There was much more but that was the main points. It was quite awful, really. One of our worst fights.
Here is the final analysis: I am absolutely terrified to let go. To relax and allow the process to take place. I have been controlling both the frequency and the quality with my anger. This is the only way my H 'remembers' to be sexual--if he's faced with the threat of me getting peeved.
Folks, I am dreadfully tired of this setup. Just contemplating having to get mad again wears me out. Things go SO well for a matter of days or even a week and then go back to being weird. It is very easy to say, Just let go and relax. But you know what? Nothing will happen. I have tried this numerous times and if I relax, so does he. He recognizes this and admits it.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm exhausted from last night and yet I have a strange feeling that we are on the MOVE, regardless of how much it hurt.
