All of her (ridiculous) notions about what Women are and what Women like would get de-bunked pronto. She'd be face to face with an angry mob of horny chicks.
Wish I had time to rewrite my post to you. It was a doozy. It included pizza rolls, beer, feminism and Star Trek. LOL
You have no idea how many times I have thought I would love to talk to one of the wives of one of you guys. But then I think it would not do any good unless they are ready to change. It all boils down to if that spouse wants to change and make things better, to put the time and effort into it like most of us have done. That all goes for the LD H too. I sometimes wonder how much longer we all can go on without any real progress and how much it will take to walk away
So H and I had a hot date last night, involving some long overdue oral action (couldn't do that while I was preg and postpartum).
I really wasn't sure if he remembered (even though the agreement was struck the night before) but I sent him a mildly suggestive email--emphasis on mild--and he responded favorably. I had asked him to let me know when he wanted to do it, as I had some 'maintenance' to do down there, beforehand. Oral is his favorite sexual activity and he has been making lots of noise about missing it, etc. However, there was no move towards actually DOING it. Which confused me and briefly set into motion some insecurity within myself but I kicked that to the curb, which is a real accomplishment for a spaz like me, and dug in my heels and absolutely refused to say anything to him about it. In other words, I was not going to beg, ask for it, or insist upon it. Supposedly it is his favorite thing, so let him come to me.
So Monday night he tells me that Tuesday is it. I prepare myself (managed to get all THREE children down for a nap at the same time--mothers, are you listening to that miraculous accomplishment??) and am looking forward to it. Send the email to make sure that we are still on and he is completely on board.
We had a lovely evening together and finally it was about 8:50. I was nursing the baby and he comes in and says, "I think I'm going to get a head start on my sl-. Uh, I think I'm going to head back." I was laughing (at the absurdity of him) and said, "So you're going to head back and get a head start on your sleep, eh!" He replied that he couldn't help it, he was so tired. I told him that I'd be happy to offer him a rain check on our date, if that's what he wanted. "No no, I want to do it, just wake me up when you get there." So at 9:30 I put baby to bed and headed there, myself. I got in and H dutifully woke up. He made a few lame moves towards me and I said, You know we could just have a quickie and skip the oral. And..........up until this point, I was really doing well. I felt not one speck of resentment. Confusion, yes. Because he is the one who asked for it on this specific night and it is HIS favorite thing, so why the non-enthusiastic response? But I was doing a good job of HOM and offered the quickie. He replied, "I think I'll just touch you until you're about to come and then I'll finish you off with my tongue."
Now, this would have been fine if it had not been such a long time since we have done this particular act, as well as the "buildup" and him professing how much he missed it for, what, 9 months now? I quickly went from confusion to being pissed off, but it was all happening so fast and he was still touching me and that was clouding my thinking..
I replied that No I do NOT want an oral quickie, that's why I specifically asked him to set the date when he wanted to do it--so it would be an enjoyable experience for both of us and a nice "reunion".
Fine. So we commenced having the quickie. But by then I was mad and disappointed at his TOTAL lameness. While we were ML, I started asking him Talk-like questions. No I am not joking, I really did that. Things like, Were you really looking forward to it today, or was that an exaggeration? MrHP: No I really was! I just got tired and accidentally fell asleep. HP: There was no accidental! It was intentional, you TOLD me you were heading back to go to sleep, fully knowing that I was expecting you to be awake and horny when I arrived. MrHP: I DID try to stay awake! HP: H, what I'm saying is that you PLANNED on falling asleep..you told me as much while I was nursing Baby. If you had said to me, I can't wait til you are done..I'm so looking forward to diving into you, etc, you would have had a MUCH greater chance at staying awake. You planned to fail and you did. MrHP: Do we have to have this conversation while we are ML?!? HP: Huh? Oh right. Yes, you are right, I will try to get out of this mood.
And then we proceeded to have the most erotic sex I can ever remember having with him, although no oral. Even now, I am getting all hot and bothered remembering it.
So, I am totally confused this morning.
He still does not understand that it is important to me to feel his desire and that I excite him. It is a little hard to feel that way when he'd choose sleep rather than go through with the plan that HE devised.
Oh well, aside from that brief flash of intense anger I felt last night, I remain befuddled--not angry. I could easily switch to anger but I am not going there. Not because he deserves better but because I do.
Interesting that the sex was highly erotic and still he offered no oral. My H has said before that he doesn't like to be asked to "prove" himself and that he won't. Does your H feel that way or is does he simply not make the connection about what aspect of things got you upset?
*flags on the field* Referee: "delay of game, Mrs.HP - penalty declined. false start, Mr. HP - penalty declined. no legal receiver 'down'there, Mr. HP - 10minute anger penalty & loss of privilege."
So, if it's H's favorite activity but not yours... and he declined to proceed with it, instead giving you some good erotic stuff... why are you overanalyzing it? Offer him another chance when he's more awake. I'm sure you could "accidentally pretend to fall asleep" with your legs somewhat open or something.
That's why I did not ask for this in any way at all. He kept talking about it (buncha hot air) and how badly he was wanting to do it and all I said was, Ooh yeah, H! I can't wait. Just let me know when you want to do it and I will make sure I do an extra good shave job.
On Monday night, he said "tomorrow is the night". I said Alrighta! and that's how it happened.
As far as him not making the connection, heck no. He never makes the proper connections! If I had to guess I would say that he is thinking this morning that I was upset cause I really wanted an oral orgasm as opposed to the other. ??
Making a promise and breaking it...choosing sleep for the gazillionth time...acting unenthuasiastic about an activity that HE loves and that HE planned and just happens to involve MY body....a long absence and a DUD of a reunion (actually a nonexistent reunion, as it never happened).... see, none of these things would occur to him as reasons why I got upset. And if I pointed it out to him, he'd have this lightbulb moment but it does not mean that it would affect how he'd act in the future. The next time, he will choose the same thing and will act equally surprised at the outcome and will have a nearly identical lightbulb moment. I am getting so tired of this game!
Oh well, at least I did not get my hopes up too much. They were very very low, based on his past performance.
P.S. In response to your "is it performance anxiety" query on your thread, I'm sure it is..don't you think? He knows he is not satisfying you, nor making you happy. So his thoughts during sex must be laden with how crappy he is doing and why doesn't he want to do this more often, etc.
My H has actually said many times while ML "I don't know why I don't want to do this more often." Another thing he does occasionally is to repeat over and over while ML "I don't deserve you." I hate this! First of all, it is ludicrous. Secondly I hate that he would feel inadequate--or that I contribute to him feeling that way--and it ruins the moment.
Finally, H has said many times that he wants sex but will go to sleep anyway because he perceives me as wanting the full enchilada, every time. He does not, as of yet, have the ability to just say that he wants a quickie. He feels that this will somehow disappoint me or make me think less of him. Now, I certainly do NOT want quickies for the rest of my life, but I have no problem with them either. So he has erroneous ideas about what I want, but I have told him otherwise and I aint gonna keep repeating it for the rest of my life. If he wants to hold on to that thought--for whatever reason--then he can. I'm done with trying to convince him that I'm not really THAT demanding.
Since we've had the baby, he has gotten more comfortable with initiating quicky-type sex, but he still can't SAY that's what he wants. He just goes for the quickie and hopes that I am okay with that. Which I usually am, but I'd sure like to be in on his intentions so I have the option of knowing what I am agreeing to when I open my legs.
I find it interesting that you had really hot sex after the altercation. I don't think that had anything to do with oral or promises or good/bad intentions.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
