Man, Jenny, have you ever had a day where everything a person writes you can relate to? That is how I am with you today.

This quote in particular:
Quote:

I think it's possible that I might start looking a lot sexier to him when he finally processes the fact that 15 minutes of sex is worth 5 loads of dinner dishes, a week of making our son do his homework and several kisses on the forehead in terms of getting me in a good mood about our relationship.



Yes, to this with a thousand exclamation marks.

I think my H knows this to be true, but at the critical moment when he is deciding whether to give in to his desire for sleep or fight through it and ML to his wife, he chooses the path that is easiest for him RIGHT THEN. Knowing that he will have to deal with the fallout. He is like a teenage boy who breaks curfew thinking to himself: Oh well, I'd rather have the fun now and deal with being grounded later.

I'm sure you can see the myriad problems when applying this type of thinking to a grown up sexual relationship.

Here is another thing for you: When reading your thread this morning, I was struck by how easy it is for you to get MW to have sex with you. Then, in the next thought, I realized that I can get mrHP to respond in a similar way, though with a different application--that is, he doesn't respond to the fake meanness that yours does, but you get my point. It is as if I can see the positive things in your R but am too clouded to see the same exact thing in my own.

You know what I do? I feel totally at ease with seducing him and then...bam...there is ONE time that I try and it doesn't work. (spectacularly bombs, really) This one bomb gets me SO down that I can't (or won't) recover and then we are on the track to having another Talk and all the stuff that entails.

Do you have any advice for me as to how to get past this? Get over myself so to speak?

I actually feel intense anger when he doesn't respond to me and it does not go away until I have vomited it all on him and made him 'pay' for not wanting me and/or responding to my advances. Now, he can turn down sex from me, I'm not that much of a psycho. I am talking about the seduction attempts that he either ignores or doesn't notice. I can't seem to rise above the anger response. A lot of it is that he is not offering me a way to save face. There is no "wow you are sexy. I just don't think I have enough energy to really do it justice tonight. Tomorrow night I am divin into you fo sho." Or something like that, lol.