Quote: Surely he is aware of how mean I can get when we are not having sex? And surely he thinks that it is unacceptable to treat your beloved like that..?
I've been having this same dilemma lately since Mr. W is all helpful and cuddly. I feel bad because I get cranky not having sex when he's being nice otherwise. I try to tell myself that it's just a hormonal feeling like PMS and I should try to not attach any heavy emotions or negative thoughts to it because if I can't keep my sense of humor about the disparity in our sex drives, I am less likely to be able to create the sort of "light" atmosphere that will be more likely to actually garner me some sex.
Th problem is that over-intellectualizing my sex drive is only a sort of delaying tactic, like telling yourself that you shouldn't snack because you want to enjoy cooking and eating your dinner. Eventually, the stomach starts growling undeniably. I feel like I have to strike a fine balance between putting too much pressure on my H by asking for sex too frequently or putting too much pressure on my H by letting myself go too long without sex and getting cranky about it.
The odd thing is that our relationship has done a 180 in that I used to take responsibility for his low drive and therefore felt like I had to do more than my fair share in our relationship in order to get laid. Now I feel like his LD is a deficit that he has brought to our relationship and he needs to be extra nice otherwise in order to make up for it. I don't think that it is very nice that I feel this way but maybe it's what is needed in our situation. I think it's possible that I might start looking a lot sexier to him when he finally processes the fact that 15 minutes of sex is worth 5 loads of dinner dishes, a week of making our son do his homework and several kisses on the forehead in terms of getting me in a good mood about our relationship.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
