Saturday night: This is when we really hit pay dirt with our communication. H spent about an hour, maybe more, trying to get me to have sex with him that night. I had NO desire to do this with him but he was insistent. I asked him if he thought that ML would magically solve everything and I would go back to being my cheery self. He said it usually helps. I finally gave in and it was okay. He was VERY rushed and I finally asked what was going on..? He said, "I feel so NERVOUS. I don't know what to do." He was totally lost without me acting horny and desirous of him.
Afterwards, I said to him that I still felt depressed. We then launched into one of the most interesting conversations of our married life. It was very Catholic in nature, since I was conversing with my H after all!, but it was good.
He asked if I was depressed because I was sitting there thinking, Oh boy now I have to wait another 4-5 days before any further action. I said no not really, although sometimes I do think that. I feel depressed because nothing's really changed. We will do good for a week or so, but then I will have to get angry again in order to snap things back into action. H, do you realize how much I detest having to do this? How much I dislike mySELF for doing it at all?
Then I went back to the comment from Wednesday morning...the 'there there, you had your orgasm' one. (ha ha, don't women ALWAYS go back to what they are feeling resentful over?) I told him that it is NOT the orgasm that I am after. Ok, I admitted that sometimes I just want the O, but the vast majority of the time I just want HIM.
